Went to the doctor for my follow-up exam – thrilled to have made it two full weeks without putting anything in my vagina. Fortunately, because I followed the MOST IMPORTANT SAFETY TIP… EVER, my parts are healing up quite nicely… so I had to compliment my doctor on her excellent advice.
“You know, I thought your post-op instructions were awesome – I mean, there’s no misunderstanding involved at all with: DON’T PUT ANYTHING IN YOUR VAGINA. I thought that was hilarious.”
“Well, it’s not a joke. You’d think when we told people not to have sex or use tampons for two weeks that they would have figured it out, but no, we had a woman who did some damage with a really large dildo. So we had to be very clear.”
Ergo, anything.
“So what’s the strangest thing you’ve ever found in a vagina?”
“Me?” she looked up from the modesty drape and thought for a moment. “Toothpaste.”
“Toothpaste,” I said. “Guess she was going for that minty fresh feel.”
“I had no idea. I couldn’t figure that one out – toothpaste.”
She must’ve had a really bad cavity.
(Be sure to tip your waiters and waitresses – we’ll be here all week. Hat-tip to Pat for that one.)