stacy b-log

Dear Governor Napolitano,

The Krewe of Helios-Arizona do hereby invite you to be the Honorable Grand Marshal of our Fifth Annual Mardi Gras Parade.

As you may not be familiar with the Krewe of Helios-Arizona, we humbly submit that we are the only officially recognized Mardi Gras parading organization in the Grand Canyon State. (Historically we have been listed on the National Parade Calendar, managed by the New Orleans Times-Picayune, but they do not have national listings posted yet this year, so we're not listed... yet)

Our Fifth Annual Parade steps off on Saturday, February 25th at 5 PM, at the Krewe of Helios-Arizona World Headquarters: 24952 North 74th Place in Scottsdale.

As the Honorable Grand Marshal, your responsibilities include riding in the bed of a pickup truck and throwing beads at throngs of your constituents while the parade makes lap after historic lap around our cul de sac. (It usually takes only about 20 minutes because it's hard to drive seven cars around our cul de sac). You will also be required to decide, with the consultation of our Queen and King, the "Best in Show" float for our parade. (Winner will receive an authentic Mardi Gras jester hat). Afterward, we invite you to eat our authentic Louisiana gumbo, sample our King Cake, and drink the beverage of your choice. For your efforts, you will receive an official Krewe of Helios-Arizona commemorative T-Shirt, an official Krewe Kab bottle of wine, official saguaro cactus and chili pepper Mardi Gras beads, as well as all the gumbo you can eat (and we'll also feed your security detail).

Because you may find this to be an unsual request, we have listed the following VERY PERSUASIVE TOP 10 REASONS WHY YOU SHOULD BE OUR HONORABLE GRAND MARSHAL:

10) Enjoy a day off work! You will not be the highest ranking state official at our Mardi Gras Parade - That honor goes to our Honorable Queen of Mardi Gras, Catherine Leatham.

9) Banish those nasty Mardi Gras stereotypes! You do not have expose your body parts to get beads - nor do any of our guests (because they generate visuals that, quite frankly, we'd rather do without). We are proud to say that ours is a family parade.

8) Hobnob with other celebrities! You will not be the most famous person at our Mardi Gras Parade - That honor goes to our sister-in-law, the actress, Valerie Bertinelli. Unfortunately, she has to attend; otherwise we'll tell Mom and Dad on her.

7) Revel in unique Arizona culture! Your responsibilities are pretty easy and very Arizona - after all, one look at the shoulders of our state freeways indicates that many of our fellow citizens are comfortable with throwing things out of the back of their pickup trucks.

6) Behold, your people! When was the last time you attended a house party with your constituents that didn't include a $500 per plate dinner? Our food's free - and we usually host about 100 voters at the parade, plus we voted for you!

5) Bask in your popularity! You can tell John McCain that he's not the most popular politician in the state: He was our second choice for Honorable Grand Marshal.

4) Enjoy a good time, legally! We promise we'll call the city of Scottsdale to secure the proper permits for the parade! Though we can't really vouch for contacting the Health Department about our gumbo. Suffice it to say, it's spicy enough to take the paint off the walls (and we do make our own roux).

3) Give your security detail a workout! Imagine how much fun they'll have running along side the pickup, dodging the flying elbows of joyous revelers as they try to capture the shower of beads. And then laugh as they catch their breath when you arrive at the end of the cul de sac and wait while we try to turn around all seven cars.

2) Relish the easiest campaign stop you've ever made! Your constituents will be waving and cheering and chanting your name, just because you're throwing them trinkets that are worth less than a penny a piece. That's what I call Campaign Gold! Plus, you can bring friends - and you'll probably even spot some friendly faces, like Anna Chavez from your office or Carl Matthusen from KJZZ (Stacy works for them, she has to invite him)

And the Number 1 Reason that You Should Accept Your Destiny and Become the Honorable Grand Marshal of Our Parade is....
1) When faced with a choice between celebrating Mardi Gras and spending a day with the State Legislature... well, would you really want to spend another afternoon with the State Legislature? Neither would we.

We humbly await your reply,
Sincerely,
Stacy and Patrick Bertinelli
Co-captains and Founders,
Krewe of Helios-Arizona

Laissez les bon temps roulez!