stacy b-log

KREWE OF HELIOS-AZ FAQ'S FOR THE UNINITIATED MARDI GRAS REVELERS

1) So what's this parade all about? The Krewe of Helios-AZ Mardi Gras parade is a REAL Mardi Gras parade - we're even listed on the national calendar when their web site is working. In its simplest, most elegant form, we drive around our cul de sac throwing beads at our friends until we run out of beads or decide it's too much of a pain to circumnavigate the cul de sac with a seven-car parade. Ours is the easiest way for you to catch authentic Mardi Gras beads without having to take off your clothes or hop a plane to New Orleans.

2) When should I arrive to get a good spot on the parade route? ARRIVE ON TIME AT 5 PM. We do not have the necessary permits to stage a parade so usually it lasts about 20 minutes, after which everyone runs in the house to eat. If you arrive on time, you'll be able to catch beads AND you will be fed. If you're late, you're outta luck.

3) How can I enter a float in the parade and get an official T-shirt? Simple, get to the house at 4:30 PM to decorate and load your float with beads and goodies. Each float will receive one official Krewe of Helios-AZ 2006 T-shirt. Floats will be judged by our Queen and King of Mardi Gras, Catherine and David Leatham, in consultation with our official Grand Marshal (to be named later, see Question 4). The "Best in Show" Float will receive an official Mardi Gras jester hat.

4) So who's the Grand Marshal and why does the Governor's office want to detain you, Stacy? Excellent question! They think we're stalkers - which, given the evidence, is an easy assumption to make. (See Krewe of Helios-AZ Begs Governor to be Grand Marshall blog entry; see also "gift bag" left at KJZZ for said Governor during a recent on-air interview; see also our request for an autographed photo of her). Suffice it to say, we asked the Governor to be our Grand Marshal. Her office said she had a "prior commitment" and then promptly assigned us to a top-secret government-watch list. Either way, we're hoping someone from her office will show up to be our Grand Marshal. Otherwise, we're going to tape a picture of her to our SHRINE O JANET, stick it on a float and drive her photo around - unless we're detained in a top-secret facility at the State Capitol that weekend, which means the parade would be moot.

5) What if it rains? What is this "rain" you ask about? Is it the wet substance that occasionally falls from the sky? If so, we're still having the parade, kiddos. They parade in the rain in New Orleans. We'll parade in the rain in Arizona. In fact, maybe having a parade instigate a downpour - we hope so! Then the Governor would have to hold us responsible for bringing rain to our drought-parched state and maybe she'll show up for the parade (after they imprison us in a top-secret detention facility).

6) Where should I park? Though we are NOT encouraging you to trespass, allow us to suggest "Santuario" - a new neighborhood that is being built at the end of our cul de sac. From Scottsdale Road, go east on Happy Valley (as if you're driving to our house), but then make your FIRST right on 73rd Place into the Santuario neighborhood. Take your first left and drive to the end of the road, or the nearest parking spot. Turn off car. Lock your doors. Exit car and head NORTHEAST to the end of the road, then through the dirt. On the other side of the dirt is the end of the North 74th Place cul de sac (OUR STREET!). Walk up our street to the last house on the WEST side of the road. You'll recognize it by the gaudy Mardi Gras decor. We're discouraging people from parking on North 74th Place (our street) because it's really hard to navigate the parade through a lot of parked cars.

7) What can I bring? Bring yourself and a friend and BE ON TIME! If you feel that's not enough, we need beverages, ice, ice chests and ESPECIALLY lawn chairs. We will be feeding you, but if you'd like to bring a dessert, feel free!

8) How can I be the Queen? Sample our delectable green, gold and purple King Cake. It looks like the product of a nuclear reaction, but it's really tasty. Inside one of the slices of King Cake is a small plastic baby doll. If you get the piece of cake with the baby (and don't choke to death) then you will be King or Queen of the 2007 parade!

9) I got there at 8 PM last year and there was no food left: What's up with that? Hey, I can't help it if our friends are gluttonous pigs. Our food is THAT good. On the menu this year is Gumbo, More Gumbo, Red Beans and Rice, and the MOST COVETED Muffalettas. The only way you can be assured of being fed is to ARRIVE ON TIME! ARRIVE AT FIVE AND YOUR TASTE-BUDS WILL THRIVE!

10) Is it true there will be celebrities and media coverage this year? If you count the Governor, then yes, there will be celebrities at our parade, as well as various on-air personalities from KJZZ and KBAQ public radio. And yes, 85255 magazine has indicated they will be covering the parade. Our staff paparazzo, Kirk Nelson, will also be taking photos for the official Krewe of Helios-Arizona 2006 photo album, so be nice to Kirk. And if the Governor or any other celebrities show up, please don't pet them or poke them with sticks or fall all over yourselves drooling. Their poop stinks just like yours. Act like you've been there before, kiddos!

Well, that's about everything: We can't wait to see you on Saturday, February 25th at 5 PM FOR THE FIFTH ANNUAL KREWE OF HELIOS-ARIZONA MARDI GRAS PARADE AND PARTY.

LAISSEZ LES BON TEMPS ROULEZ!