The Drrty Dozen: Team Limoncello Tips for Future Mud Runners
1) It cannot be repeated enough: Just because you mix Gatorade with vodka doesn't mean you're hydrated.
2) Mexican food recommended by a 52-year-old man with braids in his beard does not a good training table make.
3) Don't run behind Jeffro or Pat if they ate Mexican food last night.
4) Cover or hover - there is no alternative when using a public toilet, especially if you're Jeffro.
5) Don't forget to take a towel! Or duct tape... or dry clothes... or sunscreen... or FLIP FLOPS since you're going to throw away your shoes anyway.
6) Expect to find rocks in your jog bra when you're done... and know this is why men are staring at your chest: It looks like you have triple-nipples.
7) If Stacy pushes all-in with three Oreos, she's on a draw and Pat will get lucky tonight.
8) Beer snob or not, that cold Coors Light will be the best beer you've ever had when you're done.
9) If you are wading chest-high through the lake and hit a warm pocket, don't go underwater.
10) Kiss and/or thank the Marine before you use his thigh as a step-stool - it's a courtesy.
11) Trim your finger- and toenails before starting the race because "The best manicurist in Scottsdale won't want to touch those when you're done," says Roger, Our Hero.
12) Don't leave your wet, muddy clothes tied up in a plastic bag in the back of your BMW... in the sun... for two days.