stacy b-log

So every year, we cook a big slew of food for Mardi Gras. Every year, our friends descend on our kitchen like a swarm of locusts and devour our gumbo, red beans, muffalettas and grits in less time than it takes Jim "It Burns! It Burns!" Cox to say, "DAMN, THAT'S HOT, PASS ME SOME MILK!"

And every year, people defy our warnings (Don't park there, Brownie!): They show up late, forlornly look at the dregs of red beans, try to scrape some grit-shards off the pan, and whine because the food's all gone. And then, they spend the better part of the evening asking about a fabled mythical beast known as the "muffaletta" - because they've never seen one, let alone tasted one, because they arrive late after all the food is gone.

Wonder why that is? Probably because our Mardi Gras spread is so damn good. Our Krewe of Helios-Arizona Gumbo is so good, in fact, that it has been featured on national television - via the Rachel Ray Show - thanks, Val! And because the mission of the Krewe of Helios-Arizona is to spread Louisiana culture throughout the Southwest (thereby enhancing the gene pool), we'd like to share with you our very own recipes - painstakingly rendered so you don't hurt yourself in a feeble attempt to imitate our greatness.

Please know that if you have any questions while you're attempting one of the following, you're welcome to call us and ask for help. Just don't call while the roux is on the burner. Here are the links to our recipes - along with color commentary.

THE KREWE OF HELIOS-ARIZONA GUMBO RECIPE: After many years of requests and many months in the Pat and Stacy World Headquarters Test Kitchens, we finally posted the official recipe back in May. Problem is, I created a cool graphic of how dark the roux actually gets, but you can't see that graphic unless you're on a Mac. So, get a Mac. Otherwise, follow the trusted "penny" rule - it'll never let you down.
We really have nothing to add to the Gumbo recipe, except for one small thing: The version we posted is for human consumption - if you'd like to add a Pat-sized kick to it, we recommend purchasing some Blair's CAJUN DEATH RAIN and adding one tablespoon of Cajun on top of the other spices. If you want to feel like Jim "It Burns! It Burns!" Cox, buy some Blair's NITRO Death Rain and add LESS THAN A HALF-TEASPOON to the pot. Do not say you weren't warned about the NITRO.

JALAPENO-BACON-GARLIC-CHEESE GRITS aka WHY WE LOVE OUR BROTHER-IN-LAW GENE with vegetarian variation

OUR UNDER-ESTIMATED BUT OFTEN APPRECIATED RED BEANS AND RICE aka YOUR INTRODUCTION TO CAULDRON COOKING

THE MOST AWESOME AND ETHNICALLY OFFENSIVE SANDWICH IN THE UNIVERSE: MUFFALETTAS WITH WOP MIX

Now, enjoy our food and laissez les bon temps roulez!

Posted by stacy at 07:44 AM | Permalink

OUR UNDER-ESTIMATED BUT ALWAYS APPRECIATED RED BEANS AND RICE: My friend Hollie once commented that I really don't cook anything that doesn't involve a large black pot or cauldron, and I think she's right. Pat and I don't make a lot of red beans and rice for recreational consumption. Our argument is, if you're going to spend 4 hours over a hot stove, might as well go all the way and make gumbo. That said, tackling red beans and rice is a great way to ease yourself into cauldron-cooking. Like grits, red beans have a wide margin for error - it's pretty hard to screw them up; they freeze well and they're relatively inexpensive. Plus, you can make them vegan, vegetarian AND KOSHER (thanks for the heads-up, David P). Or you can add sausage and make them... well, you can make them with sausage which is second only to bacon in my book for pork-product goodness. We'd like to recommend the andouille sausage from Schreiner's on 7th Street just north of Osborn in Phoenix - locally owned, all good. A word of warning before we get started: Some people will say you should buy kidney beans, but we prefer small red beans. It'll say so on the bag: "small red beans." I think kidney beans impart a slightly tangier flavor that doesn't merge well with spices, and I think the red beans cook more evenly and quickly, but that's just me. So without further ado...

THIS ACTUALLY COULD BE HEALTHY AND LOW-CALORIE (without the sausage)
Nutritional Information
Servings - About 12
Amount Per Serving: 1 cup of beans, .75 cup of rice)
Calories per Serving: 280
Total Fat (without sausage): 0.4 grams
Total Carbs (without sausage): 56.2 grams
Dietary Fiber: 3.4 grams
Protein: 12.1 grams

TOOLS FOR RED BEANS AND RICE
big pot
small pot
knives
wooden spoon, slotted spoon, spatula, your preferred stirring medium

INGREDIENTS FOR RED BEANS AND RICE - serves about 12 or so
1-2 gallons water
one bag of SMALL RED BEANS
one medium white onion, chopped
two green bell peppers, chopped
three pieces of celery, chopped
4-8 cloves of garlic, diced
1 tablespoon parsley flakes
2 tablespoons kosher salt
2 tablespoons black pepper
1 tablespoon cayenne

OPTIONAL: 1 tablespoon of Blair's Cajun Death Rain. 1 pound of smoked sausage or andouille, grilled and cut into quarter-inch slices.

DIRECTIONS FOR MAKING RED BEANS AND RICE
Sort and rinse your beans - make sure you get rid of any rocks. Put your beans in your big pot and cover with 3 inches of water. Allow this to soak for 2 hours. (Drink a beer, make a muffaletta, chop your vegetables, do some laundry). Then, turn stove on high and heat the beans in their water until boiling. Take your slotted spoon or a big measuring cup, and remove about half of your beans. Put them in the small pot and cover (I used to think this was weird, but it ensures that not all of your beans go to mush and I think it's a good practice). Add onions, bell pepper, celery, garlic and parsley to the boiling beans and let them come back to a hard boil. Reduce heat but keep them rolling for about 15 minutes. Add a cup of water and stir well. Let it come back to a boil. Add your spices (including the OPTIONAL Blair's Cajun Death Rain), the reserved beans and if desired, the OPTIONAL sausage. Let it simmer for an hour or two. Just remember to stir it up every 15 minutes or so, and if you feel like the water is getting low or you're scraping sludge off the bottom, add another cup of water and throttle back that heat. If you let the water level get too low, your red beans will take on the consistency of paste. We like ours a little soupy. Serve over fluffy white rice with a side of French bread.
* This recipe was adapted from 'Dat Little New Orleans Creole Cookbook' by Chef Remy.

** We used the SparkPeople recipe calculator to figure out our calorie count!

Posted by stacy at 06:58 AM | Permalink

JALAPENO-GARLIC-CHEESE GRITS WITH OPTIONAL BACON aka GENE'S FAMILY RECIPE WITH A SLIGHT MODIFICATION - My wonderful brother-in-law introduced our family to this delicacy on Thanksgiving 10 years ago, and suffice it to say, we show our gratitude to Gene and his garlic cheese grits every year and offer thanks to him for unveiling this truth: GRITS, THEY'RE NOT JUST FOR BREAKFAST ANYMORE. Pound for pound, grits are the cheapest, most delicious way to feed a herd of people, and you can modify them to be vegetarian (with eggs and dairy) though not quite kosher. So here goes:

TOOLS FOR ONE SLAB OF GRITS
9 x 13 Pyrex baking dish (grease that bad boy)
small sautee pan
big pot
knives
wooden spoon, spatula, your stirring instrument of choice

INGREDIENTS FOR ONE SLAB OF GRITS (Feeds about 20)
2 cups instant grits
1.5 quarts water
15.5-ounce jar of queso
4 eggs beaten
6-8 fresh jalapenos, chopped
8-10 cloves garlic, minced
1-2 tablespoons of olive oil
teaspoon of salt
teaspoon of black pepper
quarter-cup milk
half-stick butter, chopped into patties

OPTIONAL: 1 package of bacon, fried to your desired crispiness and then smashed

DIRECTIONS FOR MAKING THE BEST GRITS YOU'LL EVER EAT:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Put your chopped garlic in a small pan with some olive oil, just enough to get it all a little wet. Sautee the garlic on medium heat - just get it soft, warm and fragrant. Then set it aside. Slap your big pot on the stove and turn heat on medium. Add grits and water and START STIRRING. (Get used to this, you're going to stir everything you cook at the Pat and Stacy Culinary College). The grits should take about 5-10 minutes before they are "done" - the water will be absorbed and the grits will "puff" out and bubble periodically like lava. They'll look like wet mashed potatoes - very slurry. Make sure you're scraping the bottom of the pot so the grits don't stick. Once the grits have a smooth, lava-like consistency, add milk, eggs, the whole jar of queso, butter, garlic and jalapenos. KEEP STIRRING until all the butter has melted. You'll probably stir for about 10 more minutes: You want the flavors to mingle and you want most of the excess moisture to dissipate, but you still want to maintain that lava-like, smooth consistency (and by now your concoction should be light-orange).

IF YOU ARE VEGETARIAN OR JEWISH OR MUSLIM OR YOU JUST THINK PIGS ARE FILTHY ANIMALS, STOP HERE: Pour the grits in the baking dish, put that bad boy in the oven, wait and salivate for 45 minutes to an hour. You want the middle to be relatively firm, like a casserole.

IF YOU ARE NOT A VEGETARIAN (and like our buddy Brian believe that bacon is the candy bar of meat), CRUMBLE ALL THAT BACONY GOODNESS INTO YOUR GRITS, GIVE IT A FEW QUICK STIRS TO MIX IT UP and then... Pour the grits in the baking dish, put that bad boy in the oven, wait and salivate for 45 minutes to an hour. You want the middle to be relatively firm, like a casserole.

All we can say is, the grits get better with age. They'll taste even better tomorrow morning for breakfast, and they're delightful as a side to some chicken-fried steak, or even as an entree on their own: They have all the ingredients for food pyramid domination: Meat, eggs, cheese, grains, vegetables and butter. Once you make grits, there's no going back. Your friends will BEG you for more. It will be your new Thanksgiving tradition. You'll have Gene to thank for it, and thank him you will.

Posted by stacy at 06:56 AM | Permalink

Ever since we introduced this item, it has become the must-have gnosh on the Krewe of Helios feedbag parade. That probably has to do with supply and demand - we supply only 48 of them. Yet more than 70 people demand them. Ergo, it's wise to drive or ride in a parade float so you can get in the front of the line and grab one of our amazing, unforgettable, clearly incredible and sublimely edible...

KREWE OF HELIOS-ARIZONA MUFFALETTA SANDWICHES - These are Italian sandwiches that originated in New Orleans. In some parts of the country, they serve 'em cold. We like ours warm because there's nothing like cheesy goodness melted just so with a slight crunch to your crusty bread. Now our traditional Mardi Gras recipe makes 48 slider-sized sandwiches, and I was tempted to be mean and give you the recipe for 48 because the uncanny math makes EXACTLY 48 sandwiches with nothing leftover. But I'm not that mean (just ask my husband). So here's how you make just one... that can serve four - and please note, vegetarians and members of the Tribe, if you ditch the meat and cheese, you could survive on Wop Mix* and bread alone...

TOOLS FOR THE MOST AWESOME MUFFALETTAS
food processor with chopper (we use our Cuisinart little pro with "pulse" function)
plastic container
two cookie sheets
clean, small paint brush or basting brush
small ramekin or bowl

INGREDIENTS FOR THE MOST AWESOME MUFFALETTAS - HARDWARE
- 4 ounces of deli sliced turkey
- 4 ounces of deli sliced ham
- 4 ounces of hard salami (about 3-4 inches in diameter)
- half-bag of grated mozzerella
- one loaf of crusty bread, 8-inches round, like a ciabatta or french round (We like Simply Bread - they're locally owned; they're a public radio underwriter, and AJs carries their loaves)
- 2-3 tablespoons of olive oil, in your ramekin
- ONE BOX OF CRACKERS (trust us - especially if you're vegetarian)

INGREDIENTS FOR THE MOST AWESOME MUFFALETTAS - SOFTWARE - aka WOP MIX*
*I'm sorry to have offended my fellow Italian-Americans, but this is what they call it. Own it - because it is all goodness and wonderment. It is a point of pride - and after you eat it, you'll know why - but if you're sensitive and politically correct, I guess you could call it "tapenade" though that's a lot like calling grits "polenta." Then again if you are politically correct, you probably aren't reading this anyway. Onward...

- Half a 24-ounce jar of pitted green olives
- 1 can of pitted black olives
- About a quarter of a 24-ounce jar of Italian giardineira mix (the spicy carrots, peppers, pickles and cauliflower)
- 6-8 cloves of garlic, coarsely chopped
- 1-2 fresh jalapenos, diced
- optional squeeze of lemon juice

DIRECTIONS FOR MAKING THE MOST AWESOME WOP MIX FOR MOST AWESOME MUFFALETTAS
Our food processor is relatively small and I think that's helpful because we can stay on top of the consistency for our Wop Mix. I like finely chopped but not paste-like gruel. Strive to see the colors of the chopped bits. Basically, you're going to start with about four spoonfuls of green olives, a spoonful of black olives, a spoonful of Italian mix, a small spoon of garlic and a small spoon of jalapeno in your food processor and grind 'em up in quick PULSE blasts - don't just leave the processor running while you dump this stuff in. PULSE IT. Once you have a carnival of chopped-up color, transfer that to your plastic container. Repeat the process until you've exhausted the black olives, green olives, garlic and jalapenos. The Italian mix doesn't need to be completely consumed - you just want it in there like a little firecracker of goodness. I'll drizzle a little bit of olive oil over the end result - maybe a teaspoon full just to make a slightly smooth consistency. If you like a little "tang," squeeze a slice of lemon into the finished Wop Mix and stir it up. Grab a cracker from your BOX OF CRACKERS and shovel up that wholesome goodness: Mmmm, yeah, that's right, baby. Now, cover the container and put your Wop Mix in the fridge because you don't want to eat it all before you finish your sandwich (unless you're vegetarian or Jewish or Muslim or you think pigs are filthy animals, in which case: STOP HERE AND KEEP EATING THAT WOP MIX). Know this: The Wop Mix recipe makes a lot more than you'll need for your sandwich. We do that on purpose.

DIRECTIONS FOR ASSEMBLING THE MOST AWESOME MUFFALETTAS
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Put your cookie sheets on the counter, side by side. Slice the loaf of bread in half so you have a TOP and BOTTOM. Put the top (soft side up, crusty side down) on one cookie sheet and paint the soft side surface with olive oil. Put the bottom (soft side up, crusty side down) on the other cookie sheet. Add your meat to the bottom side. We like to "crinkle" up the meat so there's a lot of space and air in it. Otherwise you end up with a slab of meat and it takes a while to heat. Doesn't really matter what order you put the meat on, just put the all the meat on top of the bread, while creating a relatively even surface. Now, pull what's left of your Wop-Mix out of the refrigerator and spoon it all across the top of your meaty surface. Now, sprinkle on that grated mozzarella - actually, sprinkle is too dainty a word - SHOVEL on that cheesy goodness. Put the bottom in the oven and let it heat up for about 10-15 minutes. You want the cheese to melt and you want the ends of the meat to brown and start to curl up. Just as the cheese is starting to melt, put your top in the oven and let that toast around the outside. It should all come together at the end. Attach top to bottom, cut into fourths and give thanks to the Krewe of Helios-Arizona for sharing the wholesome goodness that is Louisiana cooking with you and your family.

What's that you say? You want the recipe for 48 slider-sized sandwiches? OK, smarty pants - have at it:
INGREDIENTS FOR THE MOST AWESOME MUFFALETTAS - 48 OF 'EM - HARDWARE
- 1.5 pounds of deli sliced turkey
- 1.5 pounds of deli sliced ham
- 1 pound of hard salami (about 3-4 inches in diameter)
- 1 pound bag of grated mozzerella
- Four 12-count bags of French bread dinner rolls (you see where this is going)
- 1 cup of olive oil in your ramekin
- In this instance, we skip the crackers because you're going to run out of Wop Mix. Sorry. You asked for it.

INGREDIENTS FOR THE MOST AWESOME MUFFALETTAS - 48 OF 'EM - SOFTWARE
See above. It's the same count.

DIRECTIONS FOR ASSEMBLING THE MOST AWESOME MUFFALETTAS - 48 OF 'EM
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Put your cookie sheets on the counter, side by side (by side by side by side - you'll probably need about 4 cookie sheets or 4 big aluminum roasting pans). Slice the rolls in half so you have 48 tops and bottoms - I'd recommend you put all the tops in one bag and all the bottoms in another just to keep track of them. Put the tops (soft side up, crusty side down) on one (or 2 or 3) cookie sheets and paint the soft side surfaces with olive oil. Put the bottoms (soft side up, crusty side down) on the other cookie sheets. Add one slice of turkey, one slice of ham and one slice of salami to each bottom. This time, lay 'em flat because you don't have a lot of space. Doesn't really matter what order you put the meat on, just put the all the meat on top of the bread, while creating a relatively even surface. Now, pull what's left of your Wop-Mix out of the refrigerator and spoon one tablespoon-sized dollop of wop-mix per bottom. Now, sprinkle on that grated mozzarella. Put the bottoms in the oven and let it heat up for about 10 minutes. You want the cheese to melt because if you go too long, your rolls will get hard. Just as the cheese is starting to melt, put your top in the oven and let that toast around the outside. It should all come together at the end. Attach tops to bottoms, serve them with tongs and be prepared to plate them like your hair's on fire because they'll go fast. Then give thanks to the Krewe of Helios-Arizona for sharing the wholesome goodness that is Louisiana cooking with you and your family.

Laissez les bon temps roulez!

Posted by stacy at 07:54 PM | Permalink

On behalf of the Krewe of Helios-Arizona - the only Mardi Gras parading organization in the Grand Canyon State - we'd like to wish a hearty "THANK YOU" to the more than 70 revelers that joined us for our seventh annual Mardi Gras parade and party: You came, you saw, you grabbed beads, you ate gumbo, you drank hurricanes, you withstood the verbal onslaught that is Stacy's bullhorn and you lived to tell about it.

For those of you who couldn't make it, well, there's always next year: Mardi Gras 2010 is Tuesday, February 16. Though we're too tired to establish an official date for KOH-2010 just yet, you can safely mark your calendars for either Saturday, February 6 or Saturday, February 13.

But before we get too far ahead of ourselves, let's relive some of the pageantry and excitement of Krewe of Helios 2009! (Much more after the jump - including photos! Woo-hoo!)

This was the first year in the seven-year history of the Krewe of Helios that law enforcement officers attended our party, and not as invited guests. I had hoped that our inaugural run-in with the law would have involved some public indecency citations, a parade-permit violation or maybe even a nice little noise abatement complaint - and how could we miss public intoxication? But NOOOOO, our first-ever visit by the Scottsdale 5-0 stemmed from the fact that our awesome veterinarian Dr. Jeff "You'll Never Live This Down" Brown illegally parked his red Nissan Pathfinder in the middle of Happy Valley Road... and this was BEFORE the party.

If you look closely, you can see the assembled throng mocking Jeff's parking prowess... actually if you look really closely, you can see the ladies encouraging him to "earn his beads" by engaging in a little public lewdness. Sadly, Jeff walked away with his clothes on and a parking ticket in his pocket - and the dubious distinction of being the first Krewe of Helios parade-goer to involve the police in our activities. In honor of his achievement, we will be giving him a lifetime driveway parking pass, a get-out-of-jail-free card and a year's worth of hard times. Congratulations, Dr. Jeff "You'll Never Live This Down" Brown!

Not to be outdone, Jim "It Burns! It Burns" Cox (read that out loud real fast a few times... but I digress)... Let's do another take:

Not to be outdone, Jim "It Burns! It Burns! "Cox set a new Krewe of Helios-Arizona heat index record for pain when he licked the cork stopper on Pat's bottle of Blair's 3 AM Death Sauce. I can assure you that Blair's 3 AM is not a marital aid - and now, so can Jim. Normally we don't go around letting our friends lick our utensils at Mardi Gras (or any other time for that matter), but I can safely say that any germ-like residue that Jim may have left behind was burned off along with his top layer of tongue flesh, as Blair's 3 AM is ranked at 2 million Scovilles - the official measure of flaming pain in spicy foods (and you just thought the gumbo was hot). See for yourself what real pain looks like:

Note the glistening beads of sweat on his forehead as he quaffs the remainder of our milk and chases it with cold, clumpy rice. Imagine the holy terror unleashed during his visit to the bathroom the following morning... or perhaps you heard the screams? In honor of this searing stunt of growth-stunting proportion, we would like to honor Jim with a lifetime supply of Blair's 3 AM Death Sauce (because literally, one bottle will last your entire lifetime as we will usually add only one teeny tiny drop of it to anything we're cooking, but only after intense discussion of the consequences). Blair's - It gets you coming and going. Congratulations Jim "It Burns! It Burns!" Cox.

And more congratulations are in order as we would like to salute the 2010 Queen of the Krewe of Helios-Arizona Mardi Gras Parade, TAMI SIMMONS!!! Tami and her husband Ed (if he behaves himself and she chooses him to be king) will preside over the 2010 edition of our parade, taking the hideous plastic crowns from two-time rulers of cul de sac parade, Ryan and Cynde Cerf Dehmer. Thank you to Cynde and Ryan for your two years of enthusiastic service (and for helping decorate the house and load up the parade floats and having your folks drive the lead float and greeting guests while Stacy took a shower). Long live our new queen - and no, we won't make you monitor Stacy's bathroom breaks, we promise!

In addition, we'd like to give thanks more repeat offenders: Chris and Kristi Walsh, who won their second Best in Throw trophy for their stirring "Helios Rising" parade float, complete with orbital sun sculpture and sparkly curtain of foily goodness.

Let it be known that the rookie entry in this year's parade - Rico Suave from the Krewe of Balthazor and Coleman - has thrown down the inflatable gauntlet for next year's endeavor as they hope to wrest the title from Team Walsh. "We know what we're up against," Ron Coleman said, "and we'll be back - now give me my inflatable man back." Sadly either Rico or Suave followed Jim "It Burns! It Burns!" Cox down the road to fiery perdition. Rick Bucher - a paramedic and firefighter - tried to resuscitate the poor man, but it was too late. Perhaps Rick should have used his firefighting skills on "It Burns" Cox... or not.

And now, I can hear the orchestra at the Kodak Theater swelling with the hints of an entire string section backed by heavy percussion, so I'm going to wrap these acknowledgments up and bring it on home: To our friend Stacey Martin, who traveled all the way from Nashville, Tennessee with babe Daniel in arms to attend her seventh consecutive parade and help assemble the muffalettas and keep the kitchen tidy: Thanks for coming out!

To our new neighbors - Chris, Stacy, Bret Dillan and Halley, Cheryl and her friends Jan and David, plus our across-the-street neighbors Tim and Jan, who also helped get the muffalettas out of the oven and into your gullets: Thanks for coming out!

To our longstanding neighbors who put up with us every year: Alice, Julie, Ira, Gary and Val - this ain't your first rodeo, and thanks to you, it isn't our last: Thanks for coming out!

To Christine who helped set up the plates and utensils so y'all could eat and for bringing her boys who discovered exactly how much king cake they could eat: Thanks for coming out!

To Liz who cleaned up afterward so we didn't have to wake up Sunday to an epic disaster - and to her husband Paul who brought over the lawn chairs and helped us mow - and to their boys Colton and Cody who were just cute as could be in their KOH shirts: Thanks for coming out! To Claudia and Jerry and Michael and Rhea and Stella and Stanley: Thanks for the chafing dish and thanks for coming out!

To Lanie and Jim "It Burns! It Burns!" Cox who helped us clean up the yard and kitchen on Sunday morning and brought orange juice for "Big Breakfast Day" and drove all the way down from Vegas to join us: Thanks for coming out!

To everyone who came to celebrate Louisiana culture for the seventh straight year and put up with my bullhorn and indulged in our hospitality: THANKS FOR COMING OUT - we'll see you (and everyone who couldn't join us) next year! Happy Mardi Gras!

Laissez les bon temps roulez!

Posted by stacy at 03:25 PM | Permalink | Comments (2)

LAISSEZ LES BON TEMPS ROULEZ! It's Mardi Gras time!

Come one, come all to the Seventh Annual Krewe of Helios-Arizona Mardi Gras Parade and Party!

Saturday, February 21, 2009
4PM - 11PM
Pat and Stacy World Headquarters
24952 N. 74th Place
Scottsdale, AZ 85255
View Larger Map">(Google Map)

Now most of you have been to one of our six previous adventures and already have the hang of how to celebrate Mardi Gras with the professionals from Louisiana. (Rule 1: don't take off your clothes. SERIOUSLY. Do NOT take off your clothes.) But since many of you are NOT from the Pelican State and only have drunken recollections from college friends and "Girls Gone Wild-New Orleans" videos to go by, we've included the following handy guidelines for how to celebrate Mardi Gras the Krewe of Helios-Arizona way, aka - how you can get fed, fill up on hurricanes, avoid choking on plastic babies, score lots of beads and survive with your liver intact (though slightly compromised). Please read on for the wholesome goodness, aka What can you bring?

SO WHAT CAN YOU BRING?

1) Yourself, a lawn chair, an ice chest and anything you might want to drink that is not a hurricane. We provide hurricanes, some soft drinks and water. If you want to drink beer or wine or other, please bring some to share.

2) Your appetite: We will ply you with homemade Krewe of Helios-Arizona turkey and sausage gumbo, authentic Sicilian muffalettas (while supplies last), bacon-jalepeno-garlic-cheese grits (true Southern delicacy) and vegetarian / Kosher red beans and rice (pretty much everything else does have a pork product in it.) To top it off, your delectable dessert will be a real, direct-from-New Orleans king cake - which looks like a nuclear bomb went off in a donut factory, but it's real tasty - and it gets the kids super hopped-up on sugar, which is fun for HOURS of entertainment.

3) Your kids: Yes, the Pat and Stacy World Headquarters is a lot like Willie Wonka's Chocolate Factory - we only open it up to people under age 18 once a year and this is that day!!! We have a real parade and we throw real Mardi Gras beads and the young people seem to love that, along with the king cake. This really is a family event for the first three hours. After the sun goes down? Not so much: Two words - ADULT PINATA. (And no, we're not bashing adults over the head with a broomstick). So arrange for an evening sitter, bring the kids for the parade, get them hopped up on king cake and then dump them with grandma (or a surly teenager) while you and your spouse enjoy a quality date night of debauchery.

4) Your sense of creativity: If you participate in our parade (it's not hard, people - just tape some colored paper on your car, truck, wagon or motorcycle), you will receive an official Krewe of Helios-AZ T-shirt, which matches Stacy's tattoo. You will also be entered in our "Best in Throw" contest which involves valuable prizes and merchandise. Plus you get to throw beads at the collected masses while you drive around our cul de sac about 7 times. In fact, I think we'll probably do seven historic laps this year in honor of our seventh anniversary. Then after we finish up, you'll come inside to mack down on all kinds of cajun goodness.

5) YOUR COMMON SENSE... This kinda goes without saying, but our hurricanes are FEARSOME (just ask Christine or Ryan or Deb) and our house is no where near the light rail or a bus stop. (They have buses in North Scottsdale?) Please keep that in mind as you make travel, drinking, driving plans, i.e. Don't drink and drive. We have couches available for those who imbibe too much and we're happy to call a cab. Know that if you sleep on your couch, you might awaken to a big sloppy wet kiss from one of our two dogs - which might be better than waking up alone - but I digress. Also, WE STRONGLY RECOMMEND THAT YOU LOCK YOUR PURSES IN THE TRUNKS OF YOUR CARS. We are anticipating about 100 people, and while we know, love and trust our friends and family, there are ALWAYS people here that we don't know. We've never had any issues in the past, but it's best to be on the safe side.

6) YOUR SENSE OF PUNCTUALITY: Every year, people show up 2 hours into the party and every year, they complain that ALL OF THE FOOD IS GONE. Sorry, people - we have the parade at 4 and then our friends, who can devour a spread like a swarm of locusts, descend on our kitchen and clean us out. THE ONLY WAY TO GET FED IS TO ARRIVE ON TIME AND HAVE FUN AT THE PARADE. You have been warned. No whining.

*** SPECIAL NOTE FOR YOUNG PEOPLE OVER AGE 18 BUT UNDER AGE 30 (aka Stacy's Classmates) ***

We know you're wondering: Why on earth start a party at 4 and end it at 11? It's because we're OLD. One day, you will be too, but trust me, until that day, it's our party - we can start it whenever we want. By 11 PM, we will have been going for 12 hours, and fortunately, we don't have to drive home. So, no, we're not lame - we're just seasoned. Consider us your "pre-party" - come early, grab beads, eat some food and be on your way, because if you show up after 11 when Stacy's in bed, you will feel the sting of all the punishment that your coddling parents have denied you, lo these many years.

We hope to see you there! Questions? Send Stacy an email at stacy@patandstacy.com OR check out our handy new comment function!!!

Posted by stacy at 12:16 PM | Permalink