Greetings from Daytona, Florida \u2014 birthplace of Spring Break, NASCAR Nation and a whole lot of retirees (who were born a long, long time ago in far, far away cities on the northeastern seaboard).
\nPeriodically, I have endeavored to share with you, the 15 people that actually open and READ my unsolicited e-pleadings, certain anthropological discoveries that I have unearthed (see All About Hip-Hop). Today our lesson takes its heading from the more than 100,000 two-wheel enthusiasts who have descended upon this fair city to ride, ride, pose, ride, eat, ride, drink beer, ride, buy ride-related accessories, ride, drink more beer, ride, pose and ride some more.
\nFor those of you that think Sonny Barger* is a jazz saxophone legend, read on, my friends… read on:<\/p>\n
\nAs far as I can tell, there are two kinds of people in this world: Those that wear helmets (smart) and those that don\u2019t (organ donors).
\nWithin those two groups are at least five sub-groups, in order of importance:
\n1) Serious sport riders like Pat and his racing buddies (smart, fast & skilled), or in the words of Alan Chook \u201cMe All Night Long\u201d \u2013 \u201cThe guys in this garage and on this track are the only ones that count.\u201d Sorry, I don\u2019t have a cool name for them.
\n2) Squids, pronounced \u201cskwidz\u201d \u2013 or the jokers on sport bikes that give serious riders a bad name, also known as, the organ donors you see doing stand-up wheelies on the freeway in T-shirts and flip-flops. In the words of Chook: \u201cThey (squids) are the guys that lean on the fence and say, \u2018Hey, we\u2019re faster than those guys,\u2019\u201d as Pat and his buddies scream by at 170 miles per hour.
\n3) Bikers like the Hell\u2019s Angels, the Outlaws and the Bandidos, who have long, shaggy beards (both male and female), are routinely arrested for various weapons and drug infractions (both male and female) and honor their dead by urinating on said comrade\u2019s grave (again, both male and female). These bikers may or may not wear helmets, and I\u2019m certainly not one to debate with them about the merits of their choices.
\n4) RUBs \u2013 Rich Urban Bikers (pronounced \u201crubs\u201d) \u2013 or the vast majority guys and gals you see riding around on expensive cruiser bikes who might grow three days worth of stubble in order to look menacing like \u201creal bikers\u201d but whose idea of living the biker lifestyle is trailering their bikes to Daytona, staying in a timeshare and getting really bad sunburns while riding around, posing, drinking beer, buying ride accessories, eating, drinking more beer and riding around some more. Anyone who lives the \u201cbiker lifestyle\u201d is probably a RUB since you can\u2019t afford a \u201clifestyle\u201d if you\u2019re spending part of your life incarcerated. Most RUBs are proponents of the helmet-free life, to which I say, \u201cJust don\u2019t drink so much beer that your liver is damaged when I need it, OK?\u201d
\n5) The Rest of Us: Folks that don\u2019t ride and are puzzled, intrigued or infatuated with those that do. (This entry is for you.)
\nAll you need to know to differentiate among the above: Tonight, the RUBs and squids will be doing a single \u201cparade lap\u201d around Daytona International Speedway at a top speed of about 35 miles per hour. If they drag their knees, it\u2019s because their bikes are too heavy, they aren\u2019t going fast enough and they tumped** over. Today, Pat and his buddies did quite a few laps around Daytona International Speedway \u2013 at 180 miles per hour \u2013 and they dragged their knees because the laws of physics came into play. The Rest of Us will either be standing around saying, \u201cWhat a bunch of dumbasses!\u201d or \u201cHoly #$&%!\u201d or you\u2019ll be at home reading this blog.
\n* Sonny Barger is one of the founders of the Hell’s Angels – though now that he is a published author and has described his lifestyle as a “brand,” you can probably safely call him a RUB (just not to his face – or to the face of any other “real” biker).
\n**Tump \u2013 Part of Speech: verb. Definition: To fall over spontaneously, as if without any external pressure being applied. Language of Origin: Southern vernacular, Northwest Louisiana. Contextual usage: You better put that beer in the cupholder, Ray Pat, or it\u2019s gonna tump over when we take this turn.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Greetings from Daytona, Florida \u2014 birthplace of Spring Break, NASCAR Nation and a whole lot of retirees (who were born a long, long time ago in far, far away cities on the northeastern seaboard). Periodically, I have endeavored to share with you, the 15 people that actually open and READ my unsolicited e-pleadings, certain anthropological … Continue reading All About Bikers… Or Aye, There’s the RUB, You Squid!<\/span>