STOOKS, OLSON, BERTINELLI TRIUMPH IN RIM-TO-RIM ADVENTURE
\nBy Stacy “Toes” Feducia Bertinelli
\nTeam Limoncello Sporting News
\nGRAND CANYON, Ariz. \u2013 We came. We saw. We walked back to the car.
\nWe walked back \u2013 from the North Rim to the South Rim, over 24 miles with a combined 10,230 feet of elevation-change, through 10 layers of rock, spanning 545 million years of geology.
\nIn one day.<\/p>\n
STOOKS, OLSON, BERTINELLI TRIUMPH IN RIM-TO-RIM ADVENTURE By Stacy “Toes” Feducia Bertinelli Team Limoncello Sporting News GRAND CANYON, Ariz. \u2013 We came. We saw. We walked back to the car. We walked back \u2013 from the North Rim to the South Rim, over 24 miles with a combined 10,230 feet of elevation-change, through 10 layers … Continue reading Team Limoncello Traverses Grand Canyon<\/span>
\nParticipating in our second-annual adventure, our three-member Team Limoncello successfully completed the marathon-hike in less than 11 hours despite gimpy knees, sinister blisters and the heartbreak of \u201chitting the wall.\u201d
\n\u201cI\u2019m glad that\u2019s done,\u201d said Kellee \u201cMountain Goat\u201d Stooks, who led the intrepid trio with a blistering time of 10 hours exactly. \u201cI think I\u2019m going to throw up.\u201d
\n\u201cJust give me my cigarettes,\u201d said Kristi \u201cDuct Tape\u201d Olson, demonstrating her lung capacity with a strong 10 hours, 32 minutes. \u201cWhere are my matches?\u201d
\n\u201cI\u2019m just so happy!\u201d gushed Stacy \u201cToes\u201d Bertinelli, conveniently using the third-person to describe her 10-hour, 37-minute ordeal when she greeted her compatriots at the Bright Angel overlook. \u201cI feel great! Someone take our picture! We just came from the North Rim!\u201d
\nAfter six months of training in withering Phoenix heat, dreaded night-marches through the Dreamy Draw wilderness and close encounters with the reptilian kind, we overcame personal and team obstacles to accomplish this year\u2019s daunting quest.
\nThe first challenge presented itself when we arrived just inside the park at the Mather Point screaming overlook.
\n\u201cIt\u2019s huge!\u201d Goat wailed. \u201cWhy did I let you talk me into this?\u201d
\n\u201cIt\u2019s so far down there!\u201d Duct Tape screamed. \u201cI don\u2019t remember it being so far across! Kellee, get away from the edge!\u201d
\n\u201cWe\u2019re doomed!\u201d I howled. \u201cThere\u2019s no freakin\u2019 way!\u201d
\nIMPORTANT RIM-TO-RIM TRAINING TIP, No. 1: Landmarks in real life are much larger than they appear in your memory. As such, it\u2019s worthwhile to visit said landmark a few weeks before your hiking adventure \u2013 even if you\u2019ve been there before as a child or Rim-hugging tourist.<\/em>
\nAfter securing a coveted parking spot only 100 yards from our eventual terminus \u2013 the Bright Angel Trailhead on the South Rim \u2013 we boarded a shuttle for the 5\u00bd hour ride to the North Rim, drop-off point for our epic walk back to the car.
\nAccording to the National Park Service, only 10 percent of all Grand Canyon National Park visitors ever see the North Rim. We didn\u2019t see it either \u2013 arriving after dark and leaving before dawn. A giddy night of strange beds in a creaky Pioneer Cabin with a looming 4:30 wake-up call doomed all chances of a peaceful, pre-hike sleep.
\nIMPORTANT RIM-TO-RIM TRAINING TIP, No. 2: Your imagination is a powerful tool for visualizing a successful hike. Inspirational readings can activate this critical resource. If you plan to sleep the night before your journey, don\u2019t read books about hikers who amputate their own arms or news accounts about prison escapees. <\/em>
\nFortified with jalapeno beef jerky, two peanut-butter-and-honey sandwiches, a toffee-and-chocolate-chip PowerBar Harvest Bar, a banana, a Hostess muffin, a quart of milk and two cups of coffee, we departed the North Kaibab Trailhead (elev. 8,250) at the official time of 5:35 AM (way-too-early) with an official temperature of 32 degrees (freakin\u2019 freezing). Sunrise would not come for another hour.
\n\u201cI can\u2019t remember the last time I saw the sunrise,\u201d Mountain Goat said, her headlamp painting a small tunnel of light in the consuming darkness. \u201cWho knew I\u2019d be seeing it at the Grand Canyon?\u201d
\nThudding down the dusty path, adrenaline blocked the first sparks of pain: the hot rub of nascent blisters, the percussion bombs of hard-landing footfalls, the clumsy ballet of rolled ankles. We threaded through the thumbs and fingers of the North Transept working our way down to Bright Angel Creek, straining our eyes to find measures of progress.
\nFive miles to Roaring Springs, where a waterfall bursts from the middle of a cliff; another two miles to the leafy streamside of Cottonwood campground (halfway to Phantom Ranch \u2013 hooray!); plus two more miles to Ribbon Falls.
\nWait, we weren\u2019t supposed to go there, were we? The sign offered only two directions \u2013 right to Ribbon Falls or back to Cottonwood.
\n\u201cSTAY STRAIGHT ON THIS PATH TO PHANTOM RANCH, MORONS\u201d was not a listed option.
\nIMPORTANT RIM-TO-RIM TRAINING TIP No. 3: When in doubt, feel free to shout Sure, hollering across the Canyon to ask for directions is bad form, but it beats keening in agony two miles later when you realize your wrong turn has added four miles to your 24-mile adventure. Maps and signs can be misleading \u2013 so can other hikers \u2013 but if they\u2019re coming from where you think you should be going, it doesn\u2019t hurt to ask. (Just make sure to shout from your diaphragm, using your lungs instead of your vocal chords. Bending over helps marshal this powerful force.) And before you start carping because we skipped the waterfall, know this: You don\u2019t do a Rim-to-Rim to sightsee. If that\u2019s your goal, buy a 1.8-pound guidebook, stop reading this story and have a great time \u2013 we\u2019ll see you back at the car.<\/em>
\nSunrise peeked over the towering horizon at 6:30 and followed us down the walls of the North Rim, but it would be four hours before we felt it warm our faces. By that time, we\u2019d shed the windbreakers, gloves, headlamps, fleece jackets, stocking caps, long-sleeved jerseys and zip-off pants-legs, and we moved fast and light among shadow-casting skyscrapers built by trickles of water over millions of years.
\nPounding downhill, Goat discovered she had the bladder of a hummingbird. Her relieving herself was a tremendous relief to me because at least it gave me the opportunity to catch up. Meanwhile, Duct Tape overcame her paralyzing fear of heights \u2013 sucking up into the canyon walls to skirt the yawning drop-offs from the trail\u2019s edge.
\n\u201cIf I don\u2019t look, I\u2019ll be OK,\u201d Kristi said. \u201cThe worst part will be the bridges \u2013 I\u2019m just going to have to run across them and not look.\u201d
\nWith Kellee issuing frantic warnings about the sketchy construction of every bridge we approached, I began to worry that only two of us might return to the South Rim \u2013 Kristi having pitched Kellee over the rim in a fit of rage.
\nAccording to the National Park Service, 90 percent of the 5 million annual Grand Canyon National Park visitors never venture below the Rim. Those that do tend to cling to the well-trodden southern routes \u2013 Bright Angel and South Kaibab. Their loss: On the secluded North Kaibab Trail, we saw three deer poking along Bright Angel Creek and two wild turkey pecking for bugs near Phantom Ranch. Kristi even spotted a rare, shirtless hottie jogging among the reeds, as well as a fly-fishing firefighter loping back from an early-morning catch. She probably even considered crossing a bridge to get a closer look \u2013 which just goes to show that there\u2019s wildlife for everyone at the North Rim.
\nAround 11 AM, we ended our 13.8-mile downhill trek at Phantom Ranch \u2013 the better-than-halfway-there point of our journey. Kristi had already swaddled her blistered feet in duct-tape only because we couldn\u2019t fashion a moleskin sock for her. She\u2019d also deftly taped my right knee to silence its ice-pick complaining about the relentless pounding of downhill hiking.
\nAs a gentle breeze tickled the cottonwoods at Phantom Ranch, we enjoyed a flush-toilet potty stop, my first break and Kellee\u2019s 10th \u2013 or was it 12th? \u2013 and we engaged in an intense debate over what to do with the four pounds of food we\u2019d ordered for lunch (you don\u2019t want to know).
\nIMPORTANT RIM-TO-RIM TRAINING TIP No. 4: There are no Dumpsters on the bottom of the Grand Canyon. Pack accordingly and light, because your legs aren\u2019t the only things that carry you from Rim-to-Rim \u2013 your shoulders and back work just as hard. (Which is how team massage therapist, Ty Harris at Massage Envy\u2013Scottsdale 101, makes his living). Some Team Limoncello members made fun of me for methodically weighing everything that went into my Camelbak pack \u2013 2 mechanical pencils = .5 ounces; sudoku puzzle book for the ride to the North Rim = 5.5 ounces; 8 extra Double-A batteries = 8 ounces; car key = 2 ounces. Pack accordingly: Unless you can eat it or wear it, your shoulders will schlep it 24 miles.<\/em>
\nPhantom Ranch, that shady idyll on the floor of the Grand Canyon, turned the corner to the second part of our journey: The 9.8-Mile-Long, 4,380-Foot-Tall, Uphill Part.
\nUphill began at the Silver Suspension Bridge across the Colorado River, and Duct Tape almost fainted at the sight of it. We debated whether to lead her across blindfolded, but Kristi insisted on being witness to her potential plunge to perdition, so she gamely walked two paces behind Kellee, staring holes into the back of her skull to avoid looking down, through the flimsy metal grating and onto the torrential River of Doom about 40-to-400 feet below. As usual, I brought up the posterior, capturing the moment for posterity.
\nThis worked well, until Goat asked how Kristi was doing. When Kristi meekly replied, \u201cfine,\u201d Kellee decided it was high time someone took a picture of me and left Duct Tape to fend for herself. Fortunately, the raging thrash of the mighty Colorado drowned out poor Kristi’s screams as she sprinted toward the end of the bridge and hugged the rock wall.
\nBright Angel Trail climbs 9.8 miles from Phantom Ranch up to the South Rim. The first two miles are often called the \u201cRiver Trail\u201d because it skirts the sandy, silty edges of the Colorado River. I prefer to call it, the \u201cI Hate This\u201d Trail because, let\u2019s face it, sand sucks.
\nIt sucks the momentum from your steps, the thrust from your walking sticks and the joy from your thoughts. It sucks the hope of accomplishing this feat before sunset right out of your heart. It sucks the bonhomie of undertaking a grand adventure with your friends and deposits it along a shoreline of doubt and envy. Trudging through the sand, I smacked my big right toe into a rock and gave birth to a contraction of a four-letter word and \u201cspectacular.\u201d
\n\u201cShout it out,\u201d Duct Tape encouraged. \u201cGo ahead and scream! That looked like it hurt! Screaming takes the pain away. It really helps!\u201d
\nActually, it doesn\u2019t. The pain didn\u2019t go away until five days after we returned, when Team Limoncello podiatrist Dr. Brett Roeder shot it up with Novocaine and ripped out the offending toenail. Along with its companion-toenail on the left foot. By the time we reached the end of the trek, both had turned purple. By the time I got to Dr. Roeder\u2019s office, I could barely walk. Yes, I kept them \u2013 and yes, we took pictures \u2013 and no, I did not share my new word with Dr. Roeder while he was sticking needles in my toes.
\nIMPORTANT RIM-TO-RIM TRAINING TIP No. 5: Shoes and socks are the soul of your journey. The Grand Canyon is no place for flip-flops, no matter how many tourists you see traipsing around the upper reaches of Bright Angel Trail hoofed thusly. To understand the importance of good footwear, just ask Duct Tape how she got her nickname: Seven (7!) right-foot blisters, three (3!) left-foot blisters. Better yet, take a look at our \u201cGallery of Pain.\u201d Just don\u2019t eat anything first. Regardless of the good times you\u2019ve had with your boots in the past, a Rim-to-Rim Adventure will school them like Friday afternoon detention with a chain-smoking assistant principal. Pack an extra pair of wool socks (2 ounces) in a water-tight baggie. Have a professional fit your boots, and wear them for long hikes BEFORE you get to the North Rim.<\/em>
\nYou hike the trail you\u2019re given: Toe-jamming rocks, skittish shale, ashtray-sand swamped with burro urine and mule-chips, fall-away cliffs, slippery stream-crossings. Throughout the morning, I\u2019d clacked along crab-like with my walking sticks, which Kellee and Kristi believed to be a drag on my progress. Truth of the matter is: I\u2019m slow. I\u2019ll take all the help I can get, including marshaling enough terror to sprint past snakes, taking advantage of a fellow hiker\u2019s restroom break to gain some ground (thanks again, Goat) and using walking sticks as if they were crutches.
\nAt the very least, the sticks helped arrest my speed and kept me from careening down a path to broken bones and dashed dreams at the bottom of the Canyon \u2013 and they came in handy when we encountered the mules.
\nMore than 750 people have died inside Grand Canyon National Park since it achieved that status, according to the 2001 book, Over the Edge: Death in Grand Canyon <\/em>(see Important Rim-to-Rim Training Tip No. 2 \u2013 Not recommended pre-hike reading material). Though freak plane crashes grab more headlines, catastrophic falls are the leading portal to the hereafter <\/em><\/strong>in the Grand Canyon.
\nAs we ascended the appropriately named \u201cDevil\u2019s Corkscrew\u201d \u2013 masochistic climb, brain-tingling drop-offs \u2013 we encountered a mule-train coming down. The GCNP Official Guide instructs you to step to the safe side of the trail and wait for all of the mules to pass. Except that there was no safe side of the trail: There was a ledge the size of a skateboard. Thinking it would somehow save us, I planted my sticks in the trail like Hillary scaling Everest, and Team Limoncello hung 30 over a 300-foot chasm with Duct Tape digging bruises into our arms.
\nI am a tortoise walking back to the car with a pair of hares.
\nClimbing the Corkscrew to Indian Garden goes something like this: Goat and Duct Tape skitter blithely ahead, their hats becoming ever-tinier specks bobbing up the trail. They pause to view a pretty scene or cheerfully ignore posted warnings to \u201cKEEP WILDLIFE WILD\u201d and share M&Ms with rabid squirrels. \u201cLook, he\u2019s holding the almond in his little paws; he\u2019s so cute! Look at his sweet chubby cheeks. How cute, he\u2019s following us! Hey, he just bit me!\u201d I chuff, churn and chug to close the gap, arrive in a panting heap, snap a photo of Goat, Duct Tape and said squirrel. Rested, they head out again. I spew lung contents onto said trail, choke down half a Harvest Bar, cough up warm sports drink, pocket the camera. Repeat as necessary.
\nI figured this pas de trios had gone on long enough when I started seeing a Hansel-trail of M&Ms scattered on the rocks that served as the barrier protecting trail-goers from certain doom. Was Goat laying a path for my dawdling Gretel to follow \u2013 or was she providing hors d\u2019oeuvres for the rabid squirrels that would feast on my festering body later that day?
\nFull disclosure: As a small child, I was terrified of being attacked by rabid squirrels, but therapy helped me overcome my fears. I kid you not.
\nBy the time I arrived at Indian Garden, I\u2019d already unsheathed my salvation \u2013 my husband\u2019s 6.5-ounce iPod with the entire Led Zeppelin catalog interred therein. When I finally caught up with them, I had decided to release my fellow travelers of any guilt or obligation to the team, and I would bravely urge them forward without me, since I had John Bonham to pace my footfalls and Robert Plant to shout me onward.
\n\u201cWe\u2019re going to go on ahead,\u201d Goat said, as I staggered like a wounded crab, gasping to issue my prepared statement. \u201cMy leg\u2019s starting to lock up when I stand still, so Kristi and I are going to keep moving.\u201d
\nHer mouth moved, but Robert howled Goin\u2019 down, Goin\u2019 down down. Goin\u2019 down<\/em>. I pulled the buds from my throbbing ears. The ringing rushed back to my skull.
\n\u201cNo \u2013 gasp, pant, pant, pant \u2013 I think\u2026 pant, pant\u2026 you should\u2026 gasp, hack, hack, hack\u2026 Go on\u2026 Wheeze\u2026 Wheeze\u2026 Wheeze\u2026 Me iPod.\u201d I nodded and pointed forward with my stick.
\n\u201cYou\u2019re doing great!\u201d Goat said, and bounded up the trail with Duct Tape.
\n\u201cBye, bye, sausages,\u201d I thought, uttering my favorite fond farewell and patting the 2-ounce car-key in my right pocket. I plugged in my ear buds and plunged back into \u201cWhen the Levee Breaks\u201d for the third time. All last night, I sat on the levee and moaned\u2026
\nIMPORTANT RIM-TO-RIM TRAINING TIP No. 6: Though they\u2019re not included in the iPod, you can take a page from Fleetwood Mac and go your own way. In fact, I highly recommend it \u2013 but only on the Bright Angel Trail where you\u2019re likely to run into people who can help if you\u2019re in distress. Trying to keep up with hares when you\u2019re a tortoise sets you up for heartbreak, frustration and resentment. Even though \u201cserious hikers\u201d scoffed at me for listening to the iPod, Robert, Jimmy, John Paul and John kept me company and sustained my pace. Plus, The Immigrant\u2019s Song is good for screaming until the pain of yet another stubbed toe burns away. Hammer of the gods, indeed.<\/em>
\nAnd so, with 4\u00bd miles to go, I started going up \u2013 going up, up \u2013 in earnest. I discovered that even in the slowest Toes, there\u2019s a little Mountain Goat: Suddenly I wanted to pass the tourists. Chica wearing jeans and a doo-rag? Check. Asian stereotypes snapping photos of mule-poop. Check. Newlyweds straining their marriage on the switchbacks. Check. Too-cute-for-you Scottsdale hiker-babe with preternaturally perky breasts and fabulous Juicy Couture hiking\/leisure apparel\u2026 OK, so she\u2019s got a few spin classes on me. I caught her when she stopped at the 3-mile Resthouse, and yes, she passed me back.
\nBut she didn\u2019t start at the North Rim. At 5:35 that morning. Bitch.
\nGoing up\u2026 going up, up meant that my knee quit whining. I learned that the mule-trains pounded down a certain cadence, building up moguls on the trail. If I stepped from mogul to mogul, I covered good distance and never had to descend into the perils of mule-urine or the screaming heartbreak of a wounded knee.
\nStill careful, I choked down my prescribed, hourly half of a Harvest Bar and gulped my swig of sports drink, chasing it with warm water. Team physician and orthopedic trauma surgeon, Jeff \u201cThank God, we didn\u2019t need you\u201d Martin, has run Rim-To-Rim in a sick seven hours. He made me promise to eat before I got hungry and drink before I got thirsty and use my walking sticks religiously. These fueling interludes allowed me to take photos of where I\u2019d been and where I was headed, to chat up unsuspecting hikers, and in a bittersweet moment, to change the playlist on the iPod.
\nThough Led Zeppelin had served me well, the trek from the 3-mile Resthouse to South Rim called for a peppier step as delivered by our friend, Moby (The PLAY album \u2013 Here we are now, going to the South Side<\/em>).
\nSeeing the \u201cbathtub ring\u201d or the white, upper-most level of Kaibab Limestone, euphoria seized my heart and I bounded up the trail, a gate-mouthed smile strung from cheek to cheek. OK, in reality, I probably moved like a snail on Quaaludes and might well have looked like my gaping lips would spew forth the contents of my training table, but I felt good, dammit. I felt strong.
\nA decade ago, I completed the London Marathon. I don\u2019t say \u201cI ran the London Marathon\u201d because that is inaccurate. I ran until mile-16 when something popped in my left arch. Then I jogged. Then I lurched. Then I walked. Then I counted down the miles to the finish as I watched my goal of a 4-hour marathon turn to a 4\u00bd hour marathon to a maybe-I-can-do-better-than-a-5-hour marathon to a 5\u00bd-hour-marathon-isn\u2019t-so-bad to I-hope-I-can-at-least-do-better-than-6-hours-&$^#@!-that-really-hurts to 6:08:42. Then I came back to the states and went to a podiatrist who couldn\u2019t believe what I had done.
\nI finished it, but with an asterisk. Rim-To-Rim was a make-good for me. I wanted a good walk back to the car.
\nWith my joyous grin and my bounding step (again, I was delusional), I passed a group of middle-aged women, heavily laden with external-frame packs and knee braces. They sat on a string of trailside rocks popping ibuprofen and resting their feet.
\n\u201cYou\u2019re almost there!\u201d one called to me as I walked past.
\n\u201cI know! I can\u2019t wait!\u201d I shouted. \u201cOnly two miles to go! I can\u2019t believe it!\u201d
\n\u201cWhen did you start?\u201d
\n\u201cThis morning!\u201d
\n\u201cSo did we. We started at Phantom Ranch. Camped there this week. Where did you come from?\u201d
\n\u201cThe North Rim!\u201d
\nThey stood to salute me.
\n\u201cYou go girl! We\u2019re so proud of you! You\u2019re almost there! You just keep on going \u2013 don\u2019t let us get in your way!\u201d
\n\u201cI\u2019ll see you at the top!\u201d
\nTears carved canyons into the dried sweat on my cheeks. I moved through another switchback and caught sight of Duct Tape around the bend. I hollered at her to wave for a photo. She waited for me to catch up \u2013 and I\u2019d like to think I surprised her with my fleet feet.
\n\u201cHow\u2019re your feet?\u201d I asked.
\n\u201cI had to slow down \u2013 Kellee went on ahead. She was moving really well and just didn\u2019t want to stop. Her leg\u2019s hurt and she needs to keep going,\u201d Kristi said. \u201cMy feet aren’t so good. I ran out of duct tape.\u201d
\n\u201cThat sucks \u2013 I\u2019m sorry about your feet.\u201d
\n\u201cI\u2019ve learned that if I just put my head down and walk like a big girl, my feet don\u2019t hurt, but when I baby them, they really hurt. So I\u2019ve just got to keep going.\u201d
\nEven with 10 blisters on her feet, she still paced me well as we approached the steepest part of the last mile of the Bright Angel Trail. I looked up and could see the trees clearly on the rim.
\n\u201cI have to stop and eat,\u201d I said. \u201cI don\u2019t want to slow you down, but I need to stay with my little system.\u201d
\n\u201cThat\u2019s OK,\u201d she said. \u201cI\u2019m going to keep going. You\u2019re doing great.\u201d
\n\u201cNo, you\u2019re doing great!\u201d I said. \u201cSee you at the top. Tell Kellee I said hi!\u201d
\nI refueled, reset Moby back to “Honey,” took a deep breath and launched into the final climb.
\nIMPORTANT RIM-TO-RIM SAFETY TIPS No. 7-10: Do NOT attempt to hike from the Rim to the River in one day: This is a strenuous, two-day journey for most. Plan your hike so you are not hiking between 10AM and 4 PM. Almost all of the people who need assistance were on the trail during these hours. Over 250 people are rescued from the depths of the canyon each year according to the National Park Service. Do not exceed your normal level of physical activity and training. Avoid huffing and puffing: If you can talk while you are walking, you\u2019re walking the perfect speed. The National Park Service posts these important safety tips so tourists, over-confident morons and well-meaning geeks with hiking poles won\u2019t hurt themselves. If you plan to do a Rim-to-Rim hike, plan to throw these out the window, but plan accordingly. Don\u2019t be afraid to scrap your trip if you have any doubts because once you\u2019re in, you\u2019re in. The only way out is up. But if you do decide to go\u2026<\/em>
\nI remember British tourists getting out of my way because I told them I was arriving from the North Rim and I needed to get to the trailhead. I remember a guy in a Florida Gators T-shirt and penny loafers asking me when and where I\u2019d started from \u2013 and he, too, got out of my way. I remember seeing the sign at 6,860 feet: Bright Angel Trailhead. About 40 sightseers congregated on the stair-step stones of the overlook to watch the sunset. I rounded the final switchback and planted my poles in the crumbling limestone.
\n\u201cI just came from the North Rim and I left this morning at 5:35! Somebody take my picture!\u201d
\nThey applauded (probably because they thought I was clinically insane), and a man in a tanktop jumped up and grabbed my camera.
\nI ran up the asphalt path to the plaza at the foot of Bright Angel Lodge. I hugged Kellee and Kristi, and checked the time on the iPod. 4:12 PM. Ten hours, 37 minutes.
\nA German tourist snapped our victory photo with the Grand Canyon spilling behind us and the North Rim Trailhead \u2013 a faint line of trees \u2013 shimmering 24 miles away in the haze. And then, key in hand, we walked back to the car.
\nEPILOGUE<\/strong>
\nBack at the car, Goat almost threw up. We bundled her into a blanket and urged her to drink water in spite of her nausea. She asked if we\u2019d seen the mountain goats walking along the trail \u2013 they were right in front of her! Because she was afraid to stop, she had run out of water and hadn\u2019t eaten since Indian Garden – about 2-1\/2 hours ago. She hit what marathoners refer to as \u201cthe wall.\u201d Duct Tape and I never saw the mountain goats \u2013 which is not to say they weren\u2019t there.
\nBack at the car, Kristi smoked her first cigarette in a whole day \u2013 and it probably tasted as good as the cold Shiner Bock I had waiting for me. We compared foot injuries \u2013 my purplish toenails to her white blisters. At the time, her blisters looked \u2013 and felt \u2013 worse. Six days later, she\u2019s wearing heels, and I have hot-pink bandages on my toes and a urine-specimen jar with extricated toenails on my countertop.
\nThe next day, we all had trouble managing toilet skills. It goes something like this: Back up to the hotel-room receptacle (that strangely, in Tusayan, has a warning sign on the underside of the lid, which prohibits people from drinking the water because it is \u201creclaimed.\u201d) Position self in a good drop zone. Begin to squat. Feel quadriceps revolt and plop down. Take care of business. Look for a handle to hoist self back up. If you\u2019re not \u201cToes,\u201d roll forward onto your knees and crawl away. If you are \u201cToes,\u201d grab onto towel rack, pray that it holds and hoist yourself up because crawling would expose your toenails directly to the floor. Remind self to make appointment with podiatrist. Repeat as necessary.
\nMake plans to come back some time next year\u2026 Or maybe the year after that.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"