Woke up last week and felt like it was going to be a lucky day. Bought a lottery scratcher ticket and won a few bucks, knowing – just KNOWING – that our numbers would hit later on that night and all our dreams would come true.
\nAt 5:30 PM I got the call: “You entered a drawing in January at the movie theater, and we’d like to congratulate you on being a finalist for the Grand Prize. As a finalist, you can choose from five fabulous vacation getaways. Please call to claim your finalist prize and learn more about the upcoming Grand Prize $100,000 drawing.”
\nI called back…<\/p>\n
Woke up last week and felt like it was going to be a lucky day. Bought a lottery scratcher ticket and won a few bucks, knowing – just KNOWING – that our numbers would hit later on that night and all our dreams would come true. At 5:30 PM I got the call: “You entered … Continue reading You’re Not in Luck: I Hate Time Shares<\/span>
\n…to hear about an exclusive opportunity to learn about the benefits of vacation ownership, aka TIME SHARES.
\nFuck fuck fuckety fuck.
\nNow, of course, I was under no obligation to buy, but in order to claim any of the five finalist prizes (cruise to Mexico, Las Vegas weekend, two round-trip tickets on Southwest, San Diego vacation or fabulous ski trip), I’d have to sit through a 90-minute presentation about the cost-effective luxury and ease of owning a time-share, after which I could go into the Grand Prize vault and pull my winning slip… Oh, and I’d have to bring my husband.
\nPatrick rolled his eyes: “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. A time share?”
\n“Do I have to bring my husband?” I asked.
\n“Yes, because we want to make sure that all decision-makers are present.”
\nFuck fuck fuckety fuck. Stupid time shares.
\nAs the day and appointed time crawled near for our exciting “no obligation” catered information session, I realized why I appreciate games of skill (POKER) over games of chance (LOTTERIES) and definitely over shell games (TIME SHARES). We decided we had better ways to spend a Saturday afternoon (upper colonics, bamboo-shoot fingernail insertions, testicular bee swarms) than to listen to spend 90 minutes of a hard-earned Saturday locked-down in a “NO OBLIGATION” discussion about how owning a time-share in Mexico would change my life for the better.
\nI don’t even like Mexico. If I wanted to go to the beach, I’d drive to LA. If I wanted to go to the sweaty interior, I’d go back home to Louisiana. If I wanted to be surrounded by people speaking Spanish… well, I live in Arizona, so I hear my share (and now I’m taking cover so I won’t be struck down by a thunder bolt).
\nAnd that’s when the phone calls started. They left messages on my home and cell phones, hoping we were OK because we’d missed the exciting finalist prize claim \/ catered information session. All was not lost, we still had a chance to get in on the Grand Prize drawing!
\nI came back from lunch on Friday to find my cell phone ringing. I knew the number and the drill.
\n“Hello Stacy, this is Tabitha from Time-Share-Rama. We missed you at the finalist prize claim on Saturday and would like to reschedule so you don’t miss out on your opportunity to win the Grand Prize.”
\n“Tabitha, I don’t want a time share.”
\n“But Stacy, you’re under no obligation to buy – we’re merely going to talk to you about the benefits of vacation ownership.”
\n“No, you’re not hearing me, Tabitha: I don’t like time shares. I don’t want to hear about time shares. I don’t want to buy a time share. In fact, my favorite episode of South Park <\/em>is when they talk about how much they hate time shares… so will you please take me off your list?”
\nShe was laughing so hard, I don’t think she heard me clearly, but the calls have stopped. Must be my lucky day.
\n(And feel free to use this line next time you get duped by a time share “contest”)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"