JALAPENO-GARLIC-CHEESE GRITS WITH OPTIONAL BACON aka GENE’S FAMILY RECIPE WITH A SLIGHT MODIFICATION – My wonderful brother-in-law introduced our family to this delicacy on Thanksgiving 10 years ago, and suffice it to say, we show our gratitude to Gene and his garlic cheese grits every year and offer thanks to him for unveiling this truth: GRITS, THEY’RE NOT JUST FOR BREAKFAST ANYMORE. Pound for pound, grits are the cheapest, most delicious way to feed a herd of people, and you can modify them to be vegetarian (with eggs and dairy) though not quite kosher. So here goes:

TOOLS FOR ONE SLAB OF GRITS

• 9 x 13 Pyrex baking dish (grease that bad boy)
• small sautee pan
• big pot
• knives
• wooden spoon, spatula, your stirring instrument of choice

INGREDIENTS FOR ONE SLAB OF GRITS (Feeds about 20)

• 2 cups instant grits
• 1.5 quarts water
• 15.5-ounce jar of queso
• 4 eggs beaten
• 6-8 fresh jalapenos, chopped
• 8-10 cloves garlic, minced
• 1-2 tablespoons of olive oil
• teaspoon of salt
• teaspoon of black pepper
• quarter-cup milk
• half-stick butter, chopped into patties
• OPTIONAL: 1 package of bacon, fried to your desired crispiness and then smashed

DIRECTIONS FOR MAKING THE BEST GRITS YOU’LL EVER EAT:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Put your chopped garlic in a small pan with some olive oil, just enough to get it all a little wet. Sautee the garlic on medium heat – just get it soft, warm and fragrant. Then set it aside. Slap your big pot on the stove and turn heat on medium. Add grits and water and START STIRRING. (Get used to this, you’re going to stir everything you cook at the Pat and Stacy Culinary College). The grits should take about 5 minutes before they are “done” – the water will be absorbed and the grits will “puff” out and bubble periodically like lava. They’ll look like wet mashed potatoes – very slurry. Make sure you’re scraping the bottom of the pot so the grits don’t stick. Once the grits have a smooth, lava-like consistency, add milk, eggs, the whole jar of queso, garlic and jalapenos. KEEP STIRRING: You want the flavors to mingle, but you still want to maintain that lava-like, smooth consistency (and by now your concoction should be yellow to light-orange).
IF YOU ARE VEGETARIAN OR JEWISH OR MUSLIM OR YOU JUST THINK PIGS ARE FILTHY ANIMALS, STOP HERE: Pour the grits in the baking dish, insert the butter patties into your grits, put that bad boy in the oven, wait and salivate for 30-45 minutes. You want the middle to be relatively firm, like a casserole.
IF YOU ARE NOT A VEGETARIAN (and like our buddy Brian believe that bacon is the candy bar of meat), CRUMBLE ALL THAT BACONY GOODNESS INTO YOUR GRITS, GIVE IT A FEW QUICK STIRS TO MIX IT UP and then… Pour the grits in the baking dish, insert the butter patties into your grits,put that bad boy in the oven, wait and salivate for 30-45 minutes. You want the middle to be relatively firm, like a casserole.
All we can say is, the grits get better with age. They’ll taste even better tomorrow morning for breakfast, and they’re delightful as a side to some chicken-fried steak, or even as an entree on their own: They have all the ingredients for food pyramid domination: Meat, eggs, cheese, grains, vegetables and butter. Once you make grits, there’s no going back. Your friends will BEG you for more. It will be your new Thanksgiving tradition. You’ll have Gene to thank for it, and thank him you will.