All posts by stacy

The Games of the XXX Summer Olympiad

There is a reason they call them the Games of the XXX Summer Olympiad – and it’s not just because the quadrennial pageant of amateur athleticism began in 1896.

Have you seen the athletes? Have you been paying attention to the uniforms or lack thereof? Now that you’ve seen the synchronized divers clad in their Spandex fig-leaves, are you now feeling insecure about your athletic performance as well as your performance in the bedroom?

Not only are these competitors the pinnacle of athletic achievement, but they also look like supermodels – the men and the women. Whatever happened to Hulga, the East German powerlifter? All the gals used to like her – except for the women’s gymnasts who all looked like Macaulay Culkin. Now they all look like Giselle or Rafaela or whatever one-named wonder graces the sticky pages of your midseason Victoria’s Secret catalog.

Every four years we hear about the athletes’ dedication, their training, their dogged pursuit of the pinnacle of their sport: Their Olympic dreams coming to fruition on a world stage! But these look like Olympic dreams of the wet variety and not just in the Aquatics Centre.

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Wherein I Verbally Assault a Formerly Elected, Now Recalled Official

What follows is a transcript of a statement about the Aurora, Colorado tragedy by former Arizona state senator Russell Pearce (R-Mesa), who was recalled last year. You may recall that Mr. Pearce is the author of Senate Bill 1070. Mr. Pearce published this piece on his Facebook page at 10:21 PM on Friday, July 20 – the evening after the shootings.

This is certainly a time for prayers for the victims and the families of victims in this horrific crime in Colorado. I just had a call from a very good friend of mine in San Diego, California who’s neice Kim, Kim’s best friend Mikayla and Kevin were in the Theater in the front rows. Kim and Kevin got out and as he was trying to get Mikayla out she said she was shot. As the rush of the crowd exiting through the exit door pushed Kevin and Kim out they lost Mikayla. As of my phone conversation they were not aware of her status. What a heart breaking story. Had someone been prepared and armed they could have stopped this “bad” man from most of this tragedy. He was two and three feet away from folks, I understand he had to stop and reload. Where were the men of flight 93???? Someone should have stopped this man. Someone could have stopped this man. Lives were lost because of a bad man, not because he had a weapon, but because noone was prepared to stop it. Had they been prepared to save their lives or lives of others, lives would have been saved. All that was needed is one Courages/Brave man prepared mentally or otherwise to stop this it could have been done. When seconds count, police are ony minutes away. My prayers are with all of those suffering from this sensless act, may God be with them in this moment of pain and heartache.

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Backstage at the Circus

No brown M&Ms

The circus has left town.

The leaf blowers have swept the confetti detritus from the stage.

The amplifiers, the washing machine, the tapestries for the dressing room. The tackle boxes of guitar picks. The lava lamps. The pop-up tents for the T-shirt vendors. The color-coded stickies. The Post-It notes from the bathroom door. The Party Shark. The exhausted helium tank. The racks of cabbage cases with their precious cargo. It has all been packed away – the army of 18-wheelers repurposed for another life.

I am the aunt-by-marriage of a rock star. Patrick’s nephew is Wolfgang Van Halen, who is the full-time bass player for the eponymous super-group. I will not debate the merits of my nephew over their previous bass player as I AM OVERWHELMINGLY BIASED, and this has been discussed ad nauseum in other venues. The band just wrapped up the first leg of their North American tour in support of their new album, A Different Kind of Truth. Late summer and fall dates have been postponed – and no, it’s not because they’re fighting with the lead singer (the original lead singer, David Lee Roth).

With the exception of my 21-year-old nephew, they’re all pushing 60. They’d been touring since February, practicing since long before that, and in the studio for God-kn0ws-how-long before then. I’m sure they’re tired – I know I am, and I only went to four shows.

But wow – those four shows… where to begin?

With an exclusive, unauthorized BEHIND-THE-SCENES LOOK AT THE VAN HALEN TOUR!!!! (ALL-CAPS, natch!) Including ALL-ACCESS reportage from the OFFICIAL tour bus! Secrets revealed! True Hollywood Stories™ told! Behind The Music heard! It’s all here:

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Fennel Fantasia

All Fennel, All The Time

We found wild fennel at the beach this weekend and decided to plan Iron (Internet) Chef.

According to the California Invasive Plant Council, fennel flourishes in coastal areas because it originated in the Mediterranean. It grows so rapidly that CIPC considers it a nuisance.

Well, one man’s nuisance is another girl’s nosh: After my third ocean-swimming attempt turned into an ocean-walking anticlimax in Malibu, I decided to bag aquatic activities altogether and forage for fennel. It grows up and down the steps leading to the beach, so I literally pass it every time I decide to go for a swim (and then change my mind).

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Our Homemade Jalapeño Poppers, aka Weapons of Ass Destruction

Ugly but tasty

Sometimes, someone gives you the perfect gift: For Patrick, it was a Louisiana-shaped chile-roasting rack for his grill, courtesy of my Mom and Dad. Never again would we consider eating frozen, flash-fried jalapeño poppers from a box.

Because we could now make our own. Which means, it’s time to bring the pain!

Warning: The actual cooking of these peppers involves knife-handling skills, open flames and spicy substances. Don’t put an eye out, don’t rub your eyes and don’t let your kids make them unsupervised. According to Pat, I’m not allowed to make them unsupervised either – for all of the above reasons.

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