The circus has left town.

The leaf blowers have swept the confetti detritus from the stage.

The amplifiers, the washing machine, the tapestries for the dressing room. The tackle boxes of guitar picks. The lava lamps. The pop-up tents for the T-shirt vendors. The color-coded stickies. The Post-It notes from the bathroom door. The Party Shark. The exhausted helium tank. The racks of cabbage cases with their precious cargo. It has all been packed away – the army of 18-wheelers repurposed for another life.

I am the aunt-by-marriage of a rock star. Patrick’s nephew is Wolfgang Van Halen, who is the full-time bass player for the eponymous super-group. I will not debate the merits of my nephew over their previous bass player as I AM OVERWHELMINGLY BIASED, and this has been discussed ad nauseum in other venues. The band just wrapped up the first leg of their North American tour in support of their new album, A Different Kind of Truth. Late summer and fall dates have been postponed – and no, it’s not because they’re fighting with the lead singer (the original lead singer, David Lee Roth).

With the exception of my 21-year-old nephew, they’re all pushing 60. They’d been touring since February, practicing since long before that, and in the studio for God-kn0ws-how-long before then. I’m sure they’re tired – I know I am, and I only went to four shows.

But wow – those four shows… where to begin?

With an exclusive, unauthorized BEHIND-THE-SCENES LOOK AT THE VAN HALEN TOUR!!!! (ALL-CAPS, natch!) Including ALL-ACCESS reportage from the OFFICIAL tour bus! Secrets revealed! True Hollywood Stories™ told! Behind The Music heard! It’s all here:

Continue reading Backstage at the Circus →

INTRODUCTION

As an official one-sixth Ironman, I decided to test my mad swimming skills in the Pacific Ocean – the site of my first-ever open-water journey.

Pat and I were visiting with friends in Malibu. I figured I should try to get some exercise in before I started enjoying adult beverages (again), so I pulled on my Vibram five-fingers, shoe-horned myself into the Vortex 3, slapped on my favorite pink skull-and-crossbones swim cap and headed for the surf.

“Now, Pat, you have to watch me – you can’t just sit around and drink, you have to watch – because my Dad doesn’t like me swimming in the ocean – especially without a lifeguard.”

Yes, I realize I am a 40-year-old woman. Your parents worry too when you do stupid things like cross the Grand Canyon, race your motorcycle, jump out of an airplane twice or get a tattoo. They’re parents. It’s what they do.

My friend Candice agreed to observe from the beach, while Pat and Candice’s fiancé Mike watched from 51 steps above, on the cliff. I wasn’t sure that Pat would be able to do much for me from the cliff, but at least we would have a photographic record of my being swept away.

And here is the story of my close encounter with a sea lion, told from four perspectives…

Continue reading I, Sea Lion – Terror on the High Seas in Four Perspectives →

2,000 meters is a long-assed way to swim – especially outside the comforting lane ropes of a swimming pool, especially at the Marquee Triathlon Half-Ironman with a couple hundred real-live athletes who will swim over anything that gets in their way, and especially in the murky, 65-degree waters of Tempe Town Lake.

Yes, it was 65 degrees – and in a fascinating lesson in relativity, it was warmer in the water than it was on dry land (57 degrees). I just hand to convince myself of that fact before I took the plunge: Because what I really wanted to do was scream: IT’S 65 FREAKIN’ FREEZING DEGREES IN THE WATER! WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE – OR AT LEAST WE’RE ALL GONNA PROVE THAT WE’RE ALL CERTIFIABLY CRAZY!!!

Instead, what the Hot Chicks with Douchebag Triathlon Relay proved is that we’re one-sixth Ironmen – and we really are bad asses – finishing in the Top 20 among Half-Ironman relays in 6 hours, 57 minutes, 30.98 seconds!

Continue reading One-Sixth Ironman →

… to go back into the (open) water (in my wetsuit), I asked myself four questions:

1. Why exactly did I think it was a good idea to test my newly rehabbed shoulder by swimming the relay leg for a half-Ironman triathlon?
2. In what world would sushi be optimal race-fuel for my first 1,000-meter training race in said wetsuit?
3. Why did I wait until the week before the race to test-drive the wetsuit?
4. What was I thinking when I signed up for a 90-minute yoga class two hours prior to said training race?

Exercise of course teaches us important lessons about ourselves, and the answers came during my 26-minute, 59.5-second sojourn:

Continue reading Just When I Thought It Was Safe… →

Mi ih naci!
Vjecnanje albuma Katarina i Hrvoje su na putu prema njihovim vlasnicima.Najbolja vijest je da nisam imao za slanje 4,27 kg paket Hrvatska.

Continue reading Mission Accomplished: Katarina & Hrvoje! →