Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances. First Amendment to the Constitution of the United States

This same First Amendment that allows us to gather on the National Lawn, or criticize our elected officials, or even take our government to court, also allows jackasses at the Westboro Baptass Church to protest the funerals of dead servicemen and women with signs that say, “GOD HATES FAGS” and “THANK GOD FOR DEAD SOLDIERS”  … Or at least it does right now: The Supreme Court is considering the case of Snyder vs. Phelps, where Albert Snyder, the father of a fallen marine, sued Westboro Imperial Wizard Fred Phelps for harassing his family at his son’s funeral.  There are some limits to free speech: The First Amendment does not allow us to yell “FIRE!” in a crowded theater, and so the Roberts Court gets to decide whether “GOD SENT THE SHOOTER” is appropriate to shout at a memorial service.

I am torn in this regard because I am a true believer in the First Amendment, having been employed as a sportswriter (pseudo-journalist) for seven years. I may not like what the Klan has to say, but I defend their right to say it. And in that spirit, I’d like to exercise my right to free speech in regards to the Supreme Grand Cyclops of Westboro and his klavern…

Continue reading Westboro Baptist Hate-Mongers →

Friends and family back home have asked my opinion of Arizona’s new immigration law, Senate Bill 1070. Having grown up in Louisiana, I know from odd politics: The very first time I got to exercise my right to vote, I had the privilege of choosing between a Klansman and a felon.*
If you listen to the wailing on both sides, you would think that SB1070 was written by a blood-thirsty lynch mob of cross-burning Klansmen chasing after a meth-fueled gang of gun-running, home-invading felons. As with anything extruded by the legislative process, the issue is a bit more complex.
So as a former Louisiana voter, a retired “journalist” and a registered lobbyist with the state of Arizona, here’s my take on Arizona’s “tough stance on immigration reform” or SB on SB 1070, if you will.

Continue reading SB on SB1070 →

Woke up last week and felt like it was going to be a lucky day. Bought a lottery scratcher ticket and won a few bucks, knowing – just KNOWING – that our numbers would hit later on that night and all our dreams would come true.
At 5:30 PM I got the call: “You entered a drawing in January at the movie theater, and we’d like to congratulate you on being a finalist for the Grand Prize. As a finalist, you can choose from five fabulous vacation getaways. Please call to claim your finalist prize and learn more about the upcoming Grand Prize $100,000 drawing.”
I called back…

Continue reading You’re Not in Luck: I Hate Time Shares →

The American Academy of Pediatrics has decided that hot dogs should be re-engineered to eliminate their inherent design flaws.

They are not talking about re-engineering the ingredients – MSM (Mechanically Separated Meat aka lips and assholes, snouts and tails), fats (trans, partially hydrogenated, lard) binders (cereals, soy, gluten) and preservatives like sodium nitrite and sodium erythorbate. They are talking about its fundamental essence of hot-dogness.

These are people who should have better things to do with their time and our public discourse, like REASSURE YOU THAT YOUR KID’S RUNNY NOSE IS NOT THE FIRST SIGN OF THE APOCALYPSE. Instead, they just want to take all the fun out of food for the rest of us.

“If you were to take the best engineers in the world and try to design the perfect plug for a child’s airway, it would be a hot dog,” says statement author Gary Smith, (avowed hot-dog hater) and director of the Center for Injury Research and Policy at Nationwide Children’s Hospital in Columbus, Ohio. “No parents can watch all of their kids 100% of the time. The best way to protect kids is to design these risks out of existence.”

Design these risks out of existence? Are you kidding me? Who do these weenies think they are?

We have enough engineered foods without going after my favorite low-rent meat product. If you really want to tackle a serious societal ill, go after SPAM, and I’m not talking about potted meat. Come to think of it, SPAM too is inherently dangerous: It can be weaponized when hurled at Gary Smith’s head! Sadly, projectile SPAM isn’t guaranteed to knock some sense into him, and that, my friends, is a design flaw.

Continue reading Lips and A**holes →

I’m not shocked to discover that I lean pretty hard Libertarian…
My Political Views
I am a centrist social libertarian
Right: 0.23, Libertarian: 5.03

Political Spectrum Quiz
I do believe my foreign policy views have been shaped by the blunders of the Bush Administration…
My Foreign Policy Views
Score: -1.11

Political Spectrum Quiz
And yeah, when it comes to free speech, freedom from religion, and the ability to make up my own mind without the interference from the moral certitude of others, I’m in the foxhole lobbing grenades in the culture wars…
My Culture War Stance
Score: -5.83

Political Spectrum Quiz