Team Limoncello Rides Again: Bike-N-Hike 2010

adventure

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After spending 2009 overdosing on Vitamin B (for Bacon), Team Limoncello decided to kick the new year off right with some good, old-fashioned Vitamin D (sunshine) and Vitamin E (exercise): Bike-N-Hike 2010.
The plan: Depart from the Pat and Stacy World Headquarters (elev 593) at 11 AM – riding our bikes 5 miles straight uphill on Happy Valley to the Pinnacle Peak Trail Head (elev 779 feet). Dismount our bikes, lock them up, change shoes and hike to the summit of Pinnacle Peak (elev 2889 feet). After working up a sweat and a good appetite, we would roll down the road (0.4 miles) to Blu Burger Grill (elev 765) where we would enjoy tasty gourmet burgers and their full bar. Suitably sated, we’d roll back downhill to the Pat and Stacy World Headquarters. (Because we don’t like to exert ourselves after we make pigs of ourselves).
As usual, things didn’t always turn out as planned – but that didn’t mean we didn’t have a good time!

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Where Did the Money Go?

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Gratuity for dealers and casino staff – $300
Pot-sweetener for my ladies’ home game – $100
New iPhone that is smarter, faster and stronger than my husband’s – $199
Cool accessories for my iPhone that is smarter, faster and stronger than my husband’s – $124
New battery for my MacBook – $129
5-piece patio furniture set with puffy cushions – $1,497
“Hey Pat, I’ll give you $100 if you’ll fix me a drink so I don’t have to get up off the couch.” – $100
Round of drinks and appetizers for friends and clients – $96
10% tithing to Local First Arizona* – $331
Spa day with my Mom – $256
Another round for my family and clients – $48
Two rebuys for Dirk’s home game – $40
Contribution to Ponyboy’s Africa Trip – $50
Taking my coworkers out for drinks to celebrate, TBA – $91
Burning through $3,361 of the house’s money in just under two weeks: Priceless.
Guess I gotta get back to work now.
*When I joined the board of Local First, I told our executive director Kimber that I’d give her a 10% stake in all my winnings. Prior to the Ladies State Poker Championship, my contributions amounted to $6 here, $30 there and a whopping $1.20 on one memorable occasion. It was quite a treat to count out $331 at the last board meeting, and one of our new members actually made a motion to send me to Vegas for a fundraiser. The Nays carried.

More on the Most Important Safety Tip… Ever

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Went to the doctor for my follow-up exam – thrilled to have made it two full weeks without putting anything in my vagina. Fortunately, because I followed the MOST IMPORTANT SAFETY TIP… EVER, my parts are healing up quite nicely… so I had to compliment my doctor on her excellent advice.
“You know, I thought your post-op instructions were awesome – I mean, there’s no misunderstanding involved at all with: DON’T PUT ANYTHING IN YOUR VAGINA. I thought that was hilarious.”
“Well, it’s not a joke. You’d think when we told people not to have sex or use tampons for two weeks that they would have figured it out, but no, we had a woman who did some damage with a really large dildo. So we had to be very clear.”
Ergo, anything.
“So what’s the strangest thing you’ve ever found in a vagina?”
“Me?” she looked up from the modesty drape and thought for a moment. “Toothpaste.”
“Toothpaste,” I said. “Guess she was going for that minty fresh feel.”
“I had no idea. I couldn’t figure that one out – toothpaste.”
She must’ve had a really bad cavity.
(Be sure to tip your waiters and waitresses – we’ll be here all week. Hat-tip to Pat for that one.)