My definition of “sports:” Athletic competitions between individuals or teams where the winner is determined by previously agreed upon rules and objective criteria.
There are winners. There are losers. The clock, the finish line, the knock-out punch, the yardstick, the checkered flag, the scorecard: These objective criteria determine who goes on, who goes home – or in the case of the Olympics this week: Who gets the gold and the glory (or the silver and salutations or the bronze and a nice trip to the pawn shop).
By my criteria, many of the most popular Olympic events fail to qualify as actual sports though they are, undoubtedly, athletic endeavors: Gymnastics, figure skating, synchronized swimming and its diabolical twin, synchronized diving, regular diving, dressage… I mean, really – DRESSAGE? … and of course, rhythmic gymnastics. And even though it’s not in the Olympics, it is still my favorite punching bag: Cheerleading = Not A Sport … though I’m sure the cheerleading stage moms are doing their best to garner their pastime a place in the five-ringed medal count. (And I will likely hear from them, but guess what, Wanda Holloway, the comment function is conveniently broken!)
Sport / Not A Sport – This is all you need to know to be the judge: IF THE OUTCOME OF A CONTEST IS DEPENDENT ON WHETHER THE EAST GERMAN JUDGE IS HAVING HER PERIOD, THE CONTEST IS NOT A SPORT; IT’S A PAGEANT
If you’re not pissed yet, keep reading… you will be (but you also might learn something if you pay attention).
World Series of Poker: The Recap
Dazed and confused don’t begin to describe how I feel about my experience at the World Series of Poker. But here goes: It’s like taking the SAT naked in front of a live studio audience.
Things you need to know before you think about entering, courtesy of my friend Mike Sochacki and my own surreal experience: EVERYONE is a good player. They play fast and aggressive and they know exactly what they’re doing, and they will eat you alive if given half the opportunity. Truly, I’m still not so sure what happened, but I think I am missing a few limbs. Here’s me when I still had chips…
World Series of Poker: I’m not that good.
Don’t know what to say except everyone here is smarter than me.
It’s scary. Phil Helmuth was 2 tables over from me. I lost when my straight got beaten by a flush. Fortunately I finished in the top 2,000… Not that it’s very good… but that millions of other players weren’t here, and a total of 2,700 REALLY good players were. … Mike & Phil finished shortly after me so I feel bad for them. And I console myself with “But at least I played.” Now I’m going to eat a big steak…
Welcome to the World Series of Poker
Lucky boots… CHECK.
Clean underpants… CHECK.
Skanktacular sportswear… CHECK.
WSOP Registration… CHECK.
Table Assignment. Amazon Blue, No. 38, Seat 3… CHECK.
Holy SHIT this place is huge! Not only does it take 15 minutes to walk from the front desk to the convention center, the room is literally the size of a football field and lined with poker tables. No flash photography – learned that little tidbit a little too late, but they were nice enough about it. Lining the halls of the convention center are chair-massage stations, souvenir stations, food kiosks and information stands for “THE OFFICIAL VITAMIN SUPPLEMENT OF THE WORLD SERIES OF POKER.” From the air quality surrounding many of the players, I thought that was Vitamin 2-C (Caffeine and Cigarettes). They have mini tournaments going on throughout the day, for those who haven’t dropped enough coin already.
What have I gotten myself into? T-minus 2 hours, 11 minutes and counting.
I Got Your Pair Right Here: The World Series of Poker
It’s not the smartest thing I’ve done with $1,500, but it’s certainly the most interesting.
I’ve entered the World Series of Poker, Event 27 – No Limit Hold’em. No Rebuys. No Add-ons. Yes, this is the same World Series you see on ESPN at all hours of the morning – but it’s not necessarily the same tournament. It’s not the $10,000 buy-in Main Event – if I had a spare $10,000 lying around, I could think of a lot more creative things to do with it than play cards… Then again, you could say the same thing about a spare $1,500, but at least I have a chance to win a coveted World Series bracelet, and I get to test my skills against the big boys.
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