So every year, we cook a big slew of food for Mardi Gras. Every year, our friends descend on our kitchen like a swarm of locusts and devour our gumbo, red beans, muffalettas and grits in less time than it takes Jim “It Burns! It Burns!” Cox to say, “DAMN, THAT’S HOT, PASS ME SOME MILK!”
And every year, people defy our warnings (Don’t park there, Brownie!): They show up late, forlornly look at the dregs of red beans, try to scrape some grit-shards off the pan, and whine because the food’s all gone. And then, they spend the better part of the evening asking about a fabled mythical beast known as the “muffaletta” – because they’ve never seen one, let alone tasted one, because they arrive late after all the food is gone.
Wonder why that is? Probably because our Mardi Gras spread is so damn good. Our Krewe of Helios-Arizona Gumbo is so good, in fact, that it has been featured on national television – via the Rachel Ray Show – thanks, Val! And because the mission of the Krewe of Helios-Arizona is to spread Louisiana culture throughout the Southwest (thereby enhancing the gene pool), we’d like to share with you our very own recipes – painstakingly rendered so you don’t hurt yourself in a feeble attempt to imitate our greatness.
Please know that if you have any questions while you’re attempting one of the following, you’re welcome to call us and ask for help. Just don’t call while the roux is on the burner. Here are the links to our recipes – along with color commentary.
THE KREWE OF HELIOS-ARIZONA GUMBO RECIPE: After many years of requests and many months in the Pat and Stacy World Headquarters Test Kitchens, we finally posted the official recipe back in May. Problem is, I created a cool graphic of how dark the roux actually gets, but you can’t see that graphic unless you’re on a Mac. So, get a Mac. Otherwise, follow the trusted “penny” rule – it’ll never let you down.
We really have nothing to add to the Gumbo recipe, except for one small thing: The version we posted is for human consumption – if you’d like to add a Pat-sized kick to it, we recommend purchasing some Blair’s CAJUN DEATH RAIN and adding one tablespoon of Cajun on top of the other spices. If you want to feel like Jim “It Burns! It Burns!” Cox, buy some Blair’s NITRO Death Rain and add LESS THAN A HALF-TEASPOON to the pot. Do not say you weren’t warned about the NITRO.

JALAPENO-BACON-GARLIC-CHEESE GRITS aka WHY WE LOVE OUR BROTHER-IN-LAW GENE with vegetarian variation
OUR UNDER-ESTIMATED BUT OFTEN APPRECIATED RED BEANS AND RICE aka YOUR INTRODUCTION TO CAULDRON COOKING

THE MOST AWESOME AND ETHNICALLY OFFENSIVE SANDWICH IN THE UNIVERSE: MUFFALETTAS WITH WOP MIX
Now, enjoy our food and laissez les bon temps roulez!