Our home is being terrorized by Little Birds.

It started a little over a year ago when “Little Bird Family” moved into our free-standing, stainless steel patio heater. It was late summer when these hardy cactus wrens began unloading the tall grasses, random twigs and bits of plastic that were their worldly possessions into this de-luxe apartment in the sky.

When you think about it, the free-standing, stainless steel patio heater is the penthouse of avian condominiums – especially when compared to the outhouse of birdie living: the multi-family dwelling in a random tree, shrub or buckhorn cactus. The patio heater sits under our porch, protected from the rain and sun; it’s tall and slippery enough to deter climbing predators; and it’s owned by two big-hearted sapsuckers that couldn’t bring themselves to incinerate a pair of fine, upstanding examples of the State Bird of Arizona and their fledgling family – especially since it was 104 degrees out and the property was essentially vacant.

Continue reading The Birds →

I played in the 2010 World Series of Poker, Ladies No-Limit Hold’em Championship, this weekend, finishing somewhere between 525th and 550th place of 1,054 entrants. (When you finish as early as I did, they don’t bother to write down your name). Compared to my WSOP debut in 2008, I have definitely improved my game, while managing to achieve some personal benchmarks:
1) I made it past the first break and waded further into the field. I survived about 4.5 hours, just shy of the third break of the afternoon and finished roughly mid-pack after finishing in the bottom 25% in 2008.
2) When the 2005 Ladies Champion, actress Jennifer Tilly, sat down to my left, I didn’t throw up (though I did manage to do that later on in the evening). I outlasted her and got the best of her in one pot – so I know I can hold my own against really good players.
3) I learned that I can survive significant runs of bad cards and major hits to my chip stack and fight my way back into contention – rather than circle the toilet of despair (which happened later that evening).
4) I now know that if you’re a guy and decide to enter the ladies-only event at the World Series because you think it’ll be easy, you will be mocked and ridiculed so brutally, you might as well check your wedding tackle at the door since you won’t be needing it when the girls are done with you.
5) I learned that if a blind squirrel plays poker for 16 hours over the course of 3 days, eventually she might stumble onto the nuts and take home a tidy $819 for fourth place in another tournament.
6) I discovered that if this whole poker thing doesn’t work out for me, my husband has a future as a competitive eater.

Continue reading Shuffle Up and Deal: 2010 World Series of Poker and Competitive Eating →

CAMP PENDLETON, Ca. — Team Limoncello completed the World Famous Marine Corps Mud Run in 1 hour, 56 minutes, 9 seconds on Saturday.
Comprised of Team Captain Stacy “Toes” Bertinelli, Team Athletic Gear Aficionado Jason “I Lost 90 Pounds” Robert, Team Wine Connoisseur Lisa “Mud Bath” Dinsmore, Team Cheerleader Dave “DAVE!” Dinsmore, Team Celebrity Trainer Christopher “I Can’t Believe I Made It!” Ross Lane and Team Last-Minute Substitute Juri “My Feet Don’t Touch the Bottom in this River” Yamashita, our intrepid harriers finished the Mixed Team division in a hangover-free 176th place of 268 teams.
Or in the words of Team Sherpa / Photographer Patrick “Disabled List” Bertinelli: “Man, y’all suck.”
Even though it was the fastest mixed-drink team in its age group, Team Limoncello’s less-than-triumphant finish has posed some interesting questions for scientific inquiry into the limits of human endurance…

Continue reading Team Limoncello Competes in Epic Mud Run, Launches Scientific Inquiry →

After spending 2009 overdosing on Vitamin B (for Bacon), Team Limoncello decided to kick the new year off right with some good, old-fashioned Vitamin D (sunshine) and Vitamin E (exercise): Bike-N-Hike 2010.
The plan: Depart from the Pat and Stacy World Headquarters (elev 593) at 11 AM – riding our bikes 5 miles straight uphill on Happy Valley to the Pinnacle Peak Trail Head (elev 779 feet). Dismount our bikes, lock them up, change shoes and hike to the summit of Pinnacle Peak (elev 2889 feet). After working up a sweat and a good appetite, we would roll down the road (0.4 miles) to Blu Burger Grill (elev 765) where we would enjoy tasty gourmet burgers and their full bar. Suitably sated, we’d roll back downhill to the Pat and Stacy World Headquarters. (Because we don’t like to exert ourselves after we make pigs of ourselves).
As usual, things didn’t always turn out as planned – but that didn’t mean we didn’t have a good time!

Continue reading Team Limoncello Rides Again: Bike-N-Hike 2010 →

So you should know by now that I’m prone to do somewhat crazy things with little preparation: Trying out for the Navy Seals, taking chemistry as a 37-year-old undergraduate, entering the World Series of Poker.
Now you can add getting a spray-on tan to that list.

Continue reading Spray-On Love →