So Pat’s employer graciously offered my sweet husband a one-week, NONPAID vacation in the form of a furlough. Since he had to take this “fur-cation / vaca-lough” before the end of the first quarter, we decided to coordinate it with my Arizona State University spring break (March 9-13). Depending on how you look at it, this week-long sojourn is either a sign of the times or a sign of the apocalypse.
SIGN OF THE TIMES: Unlike my classmates who have trotted off to exotic locales (Lake Havasu) for exotic beverages (Milwaukee’s Best) and exotic endeavors (waking up in their own vomit on Dad’s credit card), Pat and I have undertaken a few household chores that we’d been avoiding – cleaning out the office and doing yardwork (more on that later). Oh, and did I mention we gave up alcohol for Lent?
SIGN OF THE APOCALYPSE: Just because we’re sober, doesn’t mean we have to be serious, which is why I’ve also used this week to participate in a fun creative endeavor that I wouldn’t have otherwise gotten around to. Behold, the Washington Post Peeps Diorama Contest, 2009.
Depict an historic or cultural event by using marshmallow Peeps (bunnies or chicks) as your medium. I was inspired by current affairs and chose to re-enact “Alaska Governor Sarah Palin Pardoning the Thanksgiving Turkey.” You may have caught this on YouTube – where another turkey gets the axe in full view of the cameras. Here’s my depiction from two angles – one as though you were watching it on MSNBPeeps…

And the other as if you were on scene with the governor, the TV crews and the decaPEEPtation.

Now, I can’t win the contest because I am not a resident of the District of Columbia, but I hope to make the finals. Will let you know when voting commences so you can give a shout out to YOUR PEEPS (and vote early and often for me). I may actually have enough time before the weekend is done to crank out another PEEPtacular diorama, so stay tuned…

So every year, we cook a big slew of food for Mardi Gras. Every year, our friends descend on our kitchen like a swarm of locusts and devour our gumbo, red beans, muffalettas and grits in less time than it takes Jim “It Burns! It Burns!” Cox to say, “DAMN, THAT’S HOT, PASS ME SOME MILK!”
And every year, people defy our warnings (Don’t park there, Brownie!): They show up late, forlornly look at the dregs of red beans, try to scrape some grit-shards off the pan, and whine because the food’s all gone. And then, they spend the better part of the evening asking about a fabled mythical beast known as the “muffaletta” – because they’ve never seen one, let alone tasted one, because they arrive late after all the food is gone.
Wonder why that is? Probably because our Mardi Gras spread is so damn good. Our Krewe of Helios-Arizona Gumbo is so good, in fact, that it has been featured on national television – via the Rachel Ray Show – thanks, Val! And because the mission of the Krewe of Helios-Arizona is to spread Louisiana culture throughout the Southwest (thereby enhancing the gene pool), we’d like to share with you our very own recipes – painstakingly rendered so you don’t hurt yourself in a feeble attempt to imitate our greatness.
Please know that if you have any questions while you’re attempting one of the following, you’re welcome to call us and ask for help. Just don’t call while the roux is on the burner. Here are the links to our recipes – along with color commentary.
THE KREWE OF HELIOS-ARIZONA GUMBO RECIPE: After many years of requests and many months in the Pat and Stacy World Headquarters Test Kitchens, we finally posted the official recipe back in May. Problem is, I created a cool graphic of how dark the roux actually gets, but you can’t see that graphic unless you’re on a Mac. So, get a Mac. Otherwise, follow the trusted “penny” rule – it’ll never let you down.
We really have nothing to add to the Gumbo recipe, except for one small thing: The version we posted is for human consumption – if you’d like to add a Pat-sized kick to it, we recommend purchasing some Blair’s CAJUN DEATH RAIN and adding one tablespoon of Cajun on top of the other spices. If you want to feel like Jim “It Burns! It Burns!” Cox, buy some Blair’s NITRO Death Rain and add LESS THAN A HALF-TEASPOON to the pot. Do not say you weren’t warned about the NITRO.

JALAPENO-BACON-GARLIC-CHEESE GRITS aka WHY WE LOVE OUR BROTHER-IN-LAW GENE with vegetarian variation
OUR UNDER-ESTIMATED BUT OFTEN APPRECIATED RED BEANS AND RICE aka YOUR INTRODUCTION TO CAULDRON COOKING

THE MOST AWESOME AND ETHNICALLY OFFENSIVE SANDWICH IN THE UNIVERSE: MUFFALETTAS WITH WOP MIX
Now, enjoy our food and laissez les bon temps roulez!

OUR UNDER-ESTIMATED BUT ALWAYS APPRECIATED RED BEANS AND RICE: My friend Hollie once commented that I really don’t cook anything that doesn’t involve a large black pot or cauldron, and I think she’s right. Pat and I don’t make a lot of red beans and rice for recreational consumption. Our argument is, if you’re going to spend 4 hours over a hot stove, might as well go all the way and make gumbo. That said, tackling red beans and rice is a great way to ease yourself into cauldron-cooking. Like grits, red beans have a wide margin for error – it’s pretty hard to screw them up; they freeze well and they’re relatively inexpensive. Plus, you can make them vegan, vegetarian AND KOSHER (thanks for the heads-up, David P). Or you can add sausage and make them… well, you can make them with sausage which is second only to bacon in my book for pork-product goodness. We’d like to recommend the andouille sausage from Schreiner’s on 7th Street just north of Osborn in Phoenix – locally owned, all good. A word of warning before we get started: Some people will say you should buy kidney beans, but we prefer small red beans. It’ll say so on the bag: “small red beans.” I think kidney beans impart a slightly tangier flavor that doesn’t merge well with spices, and I think the red beans cook more evenly and quickly, but that’s just me. So without further ado…

Continue reading OUR UNDER-ESTIMATED BUT OFTEN APPRECIATED RED-BEANS-AND-RICE aka YOUR INTRODUCTION TO CAULDRON COOKING →