Category Archives: school

Stacy’s Mom Has Got It Going On – The Funeral Flower Edition


For Ray, our Ace of Hearts
For Ray, our Ace of Hearts

We lost a wonderful member of our poker group to cancer in May.

Ray was a man who rode jacks to ruin on more than one occasion. He had this crafty smile that crossed his cheeks whenever he was trying to figure out whether you were bluffing. He grilled a wicked Polish sausage and traded naughty barbs about his own Polish sausage, that resulted in a good laugh and a little blushing.

Old men are allowed do that, especially around the card table.

So when I learned of his passing, I called some of the players and proposed an idea that I’d seen on The Wire.

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Hierarchy of Hate – JFF Edition

JFF Hate Fest JFF-Hate-Fest With the 22th pick of the 2014 NFL Draft, the Cleveland Browns selected the most insanely talented, over-rated, over-performing, over-hyped, most likely to succeed, least sportsmanlike, most marketable, least classy, most electrifying player in the known universe: Johnny (Fucking Football) Manziel!

And the crowd went wild… or wait, they wailed in agony… or they gasped in a paroxysm of orgasm… or they aired their genteel displeasure in panting exasperation… or they rushed to the phones to buy their season tickets… or they pegged their bets for the exact day and time that they could shout their “told ya so’s” from the rooftops when he …

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I, Community College Drop-out

Am I really the person you want removing your appendix?
I ask because I’m the same person that registered for the wrong physics class at Scottsdale Community College this semester, resulting in my transforming from an Artichoke into a Community College Drop-out in the span of about four days. Did I mention I graduated magma comes loudly my first time out of the chute in the academic rodeo?
Didn’t think so – but it’s still a good story.

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Chemistry 116: A is for…

… ass-kicked?
Because that’s what happened to me this semester. I stumbled across the finish line last week with a bottom-scraping, round-up A on the final (87.8% – yes, I know, us old school folks aren’t used to seeing anything in the 80s resembling an A, but welcome to the era of lowered expectations: I’ll take it).
Thanks to the generosity of Dr. Steve Carell Look Alike, my “resurrection final” also replaced the worst grade from my previous three tests (83.8% – rate laws and equilibria) – thus I ended this forced-march of a semester with a 90.78%.
The good news is, I don’t think the med school admissions officers check the actual percentages – an A is an A is an A. The bad news is, I still have Biology 1 & 2, Physics 1 & 2 and Organic Chemistry 1 & 2 before I can even apply. That being said, as much as I don’t like acid-base titrations (a recent discovery), I think I had a lot more fun this semester… that is, if you can actually have fun water-boarding yourself.
Read on for more lessons learned from the 37-year-old Pre-Med Student…

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