Stacy B-log

All Fennel, All The Time

We found wild fennel at the beach this weekend and decided to plan Iron (Internet) Chef.

According to the California Invasive Plant Council, fennel flourishes in coastal areas because it originated in the Mediterranean. It grows so rapidly that CIPC considers it a nuisance.

Well, one man’s nuisance is another girl’s nosh: After my third ocean-swimming attempt turned into an ocean-walking anticlimax in Malibu, I decided to bag aquatic activities altogether and forage for fennel. It grows up and down the steps leading to the beach, so I literally pass it every time I decide to go for a swim (and then change my mind).

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Ugly but tasty

Sometimes, someone gives you the perfect gift: For Patrick, it was a Louisiana-shaped chile-roasting rack for his grill, courtesy of my Mom and Dad. Never again would we consider eating frozen, flash-fried jalapeño poppers from a box.

Because we could now make our own. Which means, it’s time to bring the pain!

Warning: The actual cooking of these peppers involves knife-handling skills, open flames and spicy substances. Don’t put an eye out, don’t rub your eyes and don’t let your kids make them unsupervised. According to Pat, I’m not allowed to make them unsupervised either – for all of the above reasons.

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The view from the cliff

INTRODUCTION

As an official one-sixth Ironman, I decided to test my mad swimming skills in the Pacific Ocean – the site of my first-ever open-water journey.

Pat and I were visiting with friends in Malibu. I figured I should try to get some exercise in before I started enjoying adult beverages (again), so I pulled on my Vibram five-fingers, shoe-horned myself into the Vortex 3, slapped on my favorite pink skull-and-crossbones swim cap and headed for the surf.

“Now, Pat, you have to watch me – you can’t just sit around and drink, you have to watch – because my Dad doesn’t like me swimming in the ocean – especially without a lifeguard.”

Yes, I realize I am a 40-year-old woman. Your parents worry too when you do stupid things like cross the Grand Canyon, race your motorcycle, jump out of an airplane twice or get a tattoo. They’re parents. It’s what they do.

My friend Candice agreed to observe from the beach, while Pat and Candice’s fiancé Mike watched from 51 steps above, on the cliff. I wasn’t sure that Pat would be able to do much for me from the cliff, but at least we would have a photographic record of my being swept away.

And here is the story of my close encounter with a sea lion, told from four perspectives…

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Terror on the High Seas

2,000 meters is a long-assed way to swim – especially outside the comforting lane ropes of a swimming pool, especially at the Marquee Triathlon Half-Ironman with a couple hundred real-live athletes who will swim over anything that gets in their way, and especially in the murky, 65-degree waters of Tempe Town Lake.

Yes, it was 65 degrees – and in a fascinating lesson in relativity, it was warmer in the water than it was on dry land (57 degrees). I just hand to convince myself of that fact before I took the plunge: Because what I really wanted to do was scream: IT’S 65 FREAKIN’ FREEZING DEGREES IN THE WATER! WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE – OR AT LEAST WE’RE ALL GONNA PROVE THAT WE’RE ALL CERTIFIABLY CRAZY!!!

Instead, what the Hot Chicks with Douchebag Triathlon Relay proved is that we’re one-sixth Ironmen – and we really are bad asses – finishing in the Top 20 among Half-Ironman relays in 6 hours, 57 minutes, 30.98 seconds!

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… to go back into the (open) water (in my wetsuit), I asked myself four questions:

1. Why exactly did I think it was a good idea to test my newly rehabbed shoulder by swimming the relay leg for a half-Ironman triathlon?
2. In what world would sushi be optimal race-fuel for my first 1,000-meter training race in said wetsuit?
3. Why did I wait until the week before the race to test-drive the wetsuit?
4. What was I thinking when I signed up for a 90-minute yoga class two hours prior to said training race?

Exercise of course teaches us important lessons about ourselves, and the answers came during my 26-minute, 59.5-second sojourn:

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