HAPPY NEW YEAR 2009 – or the holiday card that never arrived, version 2.009

creative, dogs, school

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Happy New Year!
As we stumble into 2009, allow us to be the first to say, “WE’RE SO GLAD 2008 IS OVER!”
Here are eight things that happened to us in 2008 – just in case you weren’t keeping score at home with us here on the stacyb-log. Then again, if you weren’t keeping score at home with us, then you probably wouldn’t be a frequent visitor to this blog… and you wouldn’t be reading this anyway.
So without further ado – and for the entertainment of my three regular readers – here’s our new tradition: The Holiday Card that Didn’t Quite Arrive on Time, or EIGHT THINGS THAT HAPPENED TO US IN 2008…

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Gratitude

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Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday (aside from December 9, which is National Day of Celebration for the Birth of Stacy Feducia – mark your calendars). And on this Thanksgiving morning, I awoke to the sound of raindrops at my window – football weather in the desert – and I realized that I have so much to be thankful for on this grateful day…

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Bye-Bye, Bad Breaks: Pat’s Collarbone is Fixed

carnage

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Sedated, plated and thoroughly elated, my sweet husband Pat is back in one piece now and snoozing on our couch in his freshly laundered hospital gown.
We showed up at the Gateway Chop Shop and Drive-Thru Surgi-Center this morning at 7, had a meaningful 45-minute visit with Dr. Evan “Rack-em/Stack-em” Lederman at 8 and made it back to the house by 10:30 AM. In the same time it took to put Pat’s humpty-dumpty collarbone back together again, you could have driven from downtown Phoenix to north Peoria. That, my friends, is efficiency.
Here’s Pat before the operation – you can’t really see the bone fragment pushing against his skin, but at least the colors are pretty.
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Highlights of Pat’s visit: When his new best friend, the anesthesiologist, pushed the “happy meds,” Pat told the assembled collarbone-correction team, “Well, it’s been nice knowing y’all, I think I’ll sign off” and promptly lost 45 minutes of his existence … Dr. Lederman let Pat keep the drill bits he used to plate and screw his three-piece left clavicle back together – not sure what Pat is going to use them for, but he’ll have plenty of time to putter around the garage since he won’t be back in fighting shape for another three months… Pat got a new blue hospital gown to add to his collection – he asked the nurse if he could keep it because he likes them for “home use” … We learned a new term for genitalia when we overheard the following from a nurse in the adjacent recovery cubby: “Now Mrs. X, Mrs. X – just lay back down. Pull that sheet up, OK? Don’t show us your Britney. We don’t want to see your Britney. Just cover back up, Mrs. X.” Wondering if the male version is a “Federline.” … The good news is that Pat is pretty much back in action now – he has three functioning limbs (four for my purposes) plus one flipper, and he should be back on his feet by Monday.
Here’s Pat after the operation, when we were hoping the curtain didn’t pull back to reveal Mrs. X’s Britney. He wishes there was gin and ginger ale in that plastic cup – soon enough, my friend!
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We left 10 minutes after I took that photo. So now we’re back at the Pat and Stacy World Headquarters and he’ll be laying low throughout the weekend. He has plenty of Percocets to keep him comfortably numb, and no, you can’t have any – unless you decide to break your collarbone in three places, in which case, we have a drill bit, two hospital gowns and an aspiring pre-med student looking for some practice. Any takers?

WHY I HATE LINKEDIN

rage

I hate LinkedIn – the essential social networking site for working professionals… Granted, I don’t hate it as much as I hate the New England Hatriots and their coach Bill Belicheater, but I definitely hate LinkedIn more than I hate Harleys.

LinkedIn bills itself as the “busy person’s” Facebook or MySpace – it’s for people who do important things, like make money and broker deals. Mainly, it just annoys the hell out of me. Initially I signed up for it because I kept getting pinged by colleagues who used it, and I’d get emails saying, “Invitation to Connect on LinkedIn.” So I accepted the first invitation… then the second… then the third and then I realized it wasn’t so much an invitation to connect as it was an invitation to receive a ton of LinkedIn-generated, unsolicited email from people I already contact regularly – as well as a ton of unsolicited email from people I DON’T REALLY WANT TO TALK TO.

I got an “invitation to connect” from some guy who used to read my newspaper column in COLLEGE. I don’t even know this guy – and even better, I DIDN’T even know this guy 15 years ago: IF I WASN’T YOUR FRIEND THEN, WHY WOULD I WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND NOW? Or is this some kind of trophy hunt: You want to list me as your “friend” so you can show all your other “friends” that your “friend” is the former Stacy Feducia – the chic that wrote the buttcrack column back at Texas A&M? Are you serious? Graduate, dude!

I hate LinkedIn because I’m a salesperson. I make unsolicited contacts through my job all the time, letting people know I have a solution for problems they didn’t know they had. It’s a tough enough job without the knowledge that these poor souls are now being “invited to connect” by every other jackass in the universe with a cool widget to sell. Thanks, assholes!

LinkedIn is supposed to make my life easier by helping me “Find People and Knowledge I Need to Help Me Achieve My Goals.” Well, here are my goals: Tell me, LinkedIn, how can you help?

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